BE YOURSELF

2011-01-10T21:33:00.002+08:00

Taking alittle break from the essay writing. Need to regenerate brain juice.
I realise I miss being a student, camping in places like starbucks like i am nows, working away on a project or assignment. So professional. hahas. yea my current job doesnt really offer me much job satisfaction. I'm sooo not a desk bound job kinda girl. Hahas oh wells at least the people are fun.

You know, I realise that God is pretty fair. Whatever shitty luck i seem to have with love and guys and alls, somehow I managed to luck out in the friends area. Seriously, these people are amazing. Sometimes like today even im taken aback at how some of my friends will bend the back and go all out of their way to help me. Like super touched. Sometimes I look at myself and I highly suspect if I would even make friends with myself, but yea these people seem to love me alot. More than i deserve i think. :) I vouch to become a better friend. I promise.

On a total seperate note, do you guys ever wonder where u stand in another person's heart? Ive met many kinds of guys, but i still think im a shitty judge of character. Yea the really awful sleazy guys are real easy to spot, the wine and dine you and obviously just want to get into your pants...but what about those that are wayy more subtle with the similar intention too. When do you know that they are just being guys and you actually mean something to them or that you're just another conquest and he's with you cuz he loves the challenge..for now.

I think too much. I wish I could put all my thoughts into a jar.

JEROLD'S BETRAYAL

2011-01-09T18:33:00.002+08:00

I havent blogged here for really long. Me thinks i should start a new blog..this one is way too old, but ahs we'll wait till im wayy free and in the mood to tackle the nonsense IT stuffs yea.

Doubt anyone remembers this blog. I almost forgot it myself but I feel that if i dont tell someone, get the load off my chest now, i might just explode and die or something. I'll probably go insane.

Hmmm im suppose to be writing my UK uni admissions essay...maybe this will help the brain juice to start flowing. I'm seriously starved of creativity and brain cells here. Stab me!

Anyways back to the point. It's soon gonna be a month since I last found out on my 21st birthday that Jerold had been cheating on me the whole month before with Dan's friend Amelia Leong Xue Wei. Yea facebook makes it convinient to find out a person's full name. Not that it was hard seeing that she's tagged in the same album of photos as i am.

I think i hate her. I want to hate her so much. I dont think ive ever felt this strongly against someone before. I'm pissed yes bout the cheating but even more so so the stuff she said. I've got photos of her convos with jerold. (fcking love to torture myself)

Her exact words were: I dont care if its selfish, I dont care if its two-timing. As for your gf, im sorry i just dont care enough to consider her feelingsabove mine. i like u.

OMG and i actually offered this girl champaign from my moet bottle!! can u fcking believe how stupid i am. Yea i feel like the dumbest shit ever. Is this karma for being awful crappy to all the nice guys that have dated or tried to date me. I feel so bad nows.

It's been a month and sometimes like today i still find myself controlling the tears that threaten to fall. Does anyone care. Everyone takes me for granted just cause im always happy go lucky and smiling. Honestly though, i feel like shit. It feels like someone came in and tore my heart to pieces. It feels like it can never be mended again. I've started so smile again recently, but who am i kidding, obviously its just a front. Tonia is doing what tonia does best..keeping the serious shits that she cant handle to herself, thinking, hoping that if she doesnt think about it, if she acts like she's fine, maybe just maybe she wont feel a thing, she'll forget. I hate myself for being like this. Always running away from problems if i cant solve them.
First it was my parents, now its you. Why, why iszit always the people that i decide to let in that always hurt me and disappoint me. When will i learn to stop hoping for things that im never gonna get. I wish i never cared.

Just got myself to blame i guess, Why did i think you were different. I've always kept everyone at an arms length distance, never trusted anyone with my heart but i chose to believe you. Chose to believe that to love and give in a relationship is better than to take and be loved.

All i ever wanted is someone to love me. Someone that truly cares for me genuinely. Someone that wants nothing from me in return. I dont need a rich guy or to eat at fanciful places...all i want is to feel wanted. To feel like i mean something to someone. I havent been nasty to anyone but why why are people so nasty. what did i do to deserve it. I treat your family better than i do to mine. You dont even fcking give a damm bout my family, you dont even bother to know them. I have suited you, trusted you but you had to you had to cheat on me. I had to find out on my 21st birthday. Why am i still hanging around you, why i ask myself everyday.

Obviously im still attractive rights? guys are still flirting with me. I know there are guys that will treat me better out there, guys that will stay faithful, guys that will fall over themselves to wine and dine me. Why cant i go back to that lifestyle. Like the girls told me, how did i from a serena in gossip girl become a audrina in the hills. FCK FCK FCK!

I wish i was never greedy. Why for fuck i wanted to chase love. Love cant feed you, love is not a gurantee, love is not for forever, love is fickle. I was fine with the nice dinners, superficial flattery, sweet cars, presents and sweettalking...why why did i think that im suited for love. obviously im not worthy

2009-10-01T02:15:00.002+08:00

zomg i feel as fake as a C grade imitation LV bag or a pair of cheapo $1 falsie lashes.
how is it that to everyone i am this optimistic bubbly chatty girl but when the moons high in the sky and im all alone in the dark i feel miserable.
i feel lost and really useless. all i keep doing is cry into the pillows and throw tantrums at myself. hardly constructive, makes me feel better, not.

two clashing personalities, one body, one me.
one as bright as the sun shinning at noon
the other as dark as the deepest depths of the oceanic floors

im ashamed. the crow crows
again i keep my secret persona locked
the one people never fancy much
and proceed to don on the mask once more
the me everyone knows me by

counting the hours down to daybreak
i think its gonna rain soon. how fitting.
=/ tonia

2009-09-20T01:35:00.003+08:00

its been ages since i last updated...have been busy busy, very busy.

internship has started. I guess outfitter girls at plaza singapura isznt all that bad. I could have been worse i guess. Yeaps im thankful and counting my blessings. Afterall it wouldn't help to be pessimistic seeing that i'm gonna be there for the net 3 months. Have had many surprise visits from various people too. Cant really talk while im at work cuz my in charge is like kinda wtf but its juz nice to see a familiar face. Like totally cheers me up lols. =) so u guys know what to do when u are at PS the next time.

------------------------------------------------

im sad. im fcking miserable and i don't know how to make it all go away. Im guessing that that's contributing to the frustration and misery; the fact that cant find the bright side, that i cant seem to find the solution to the problem, to make everything alright again.

i can't seem to put my thoughts into words no matter how hard i try. It's like all so jumbled up in there. Im like a confused kid and i hate that. I can't think, i can't smile, i can't laugh. I can't even seem to muster up a convo. with you. tonia ng keeping quiet for once...uhuhs.

i wish u understood where im coming from, how im feeling without me having to tell you. but i know u've got your own take on things and as usual we dont agree. I don't know what else to do except just to shove the issue under the carpet again and fake ignorance. I wish i never knew all that i've come to learn. I wish i never knew this side of you. But now that i know, I can't forget bout it. It's like this constant nagging thought in my head. Even if i could forget bout it all, then what....can i really put up with such. You are who you are and i never want to change or impose my views or actions on u cuz that just sucks. I would know cause ive been there. But but.....am i really alright with such behaviour? can i really put up with it and not be the least bothered? i ask myself..and i think that even if i have compromise at other times..this i can't do.

Im just so confused especially so when this issue has to come up when the other has barely even been solved or disappeared. It sucks double and hurts double much too. I...i just don't know what to do and i think its time maybe to just take a break, clear my head and decide what is really best for myself, what i want and don't want. What's worth to cling onto and what isznt.

times like this i wish i was a dumb ignorant bimbo. life just seems so 0much easier when you're clueless about everything and totally self obsessed.

hurt

tonia

2009-08-19T12:54:00.000+08:00

super sianess. the exams are coming again soon, fridae to be exact. RI has gotta be the most boring subject ever, next to CSA in year 1 that is. Com's seems to be breaking down soon too and i have no idea whys. Sucks that i cant upload the thousands of pictures that i have too. Oh wells. if u guys know of anyone who chld rescue my com, ring me yea. =)

lovetonia

2009-08-10T13:10:00.000+08:00

zomg zomg. my toes are laughing. im just so ammused with a certain human and how full of herself she is. Like seriously who goes around producing crap work or NO work but acts all victimised now and paints a picture portraying herself as the most hardworking member of the group. like seriously, girl you sure didnt sound so pitiful or the least hardworking when you told us that you didn't get your work done because you've got your own social life to consider. And that was the week IMR was due somemore, what do you have to say for yourself, seriously i'll like to hear if you'll please grace my ears with your BS, not.
Ohs, and i wasn't slamming you. Technically slamming means to critise harshly, and i haven't even begun. I've held back my tongue cause its really just not me to lash out. I was just blogging my thoughts clearing my head previously, but this post is for you. Yeaps just you, feel honored? You should be and lavish in this little space that ive spent typing bout you cause after tuesday, kaboom- you're getting out of my life. period.

it fustrates me cause you have no right whatsoever to victimised yourself when its US here that had to sacrifice our sleep even just to make sure that the project was done. You haven't even apologised for screwing the ENTIRE group's RI grade and you should. Honestly im just waiting for your apology because FYI none of this would have happen if you were slightly more competent and not so full of yourself. Like reflect please...if a group dislikes you, maybe its their fault, but if its every past group you have worked with, haven't it cross you mind that maebe the problem lies with you? So stop pushing the bucket around or taking personal attacks at me. Just apologise and i'll forget bout it all.

Enough said. I'm going back to the projects which are due tmr.

2009-08-05T01:19:00.003+08:00

FUCK even my computer hates me.

I just typed this whole shit bout how annoying jasmine mar and rayson is. How they are full of bull shiat and should shoot themselves in the head. How why i shld be blamed or even bear responsibility of their lousy sucky work attitude and lack of responsibility or usefulness as project mates for example.

The fcking annoy the shiat out of me even after the submissions have almost all been done. This is rubbish mans. Im too lazy and pissed to retype the whole shiat lars.

Gonna just sleep and they better get out of my head. Brain juice can be better spent on the losers ive got for project group mates mans.

Ohs and if either one of them happens to chance upon this, HI! Even if I get like a D for all the projects, I don't fcking think you even deserve to share that grade. Like seriously, that's how i feel FYI. I hate how you guys make me seem like the bitch and stuff, and you can talk bout me behind my back all you want, but seriously at the end of the day my work speaks for itself and you guys sad to say have nothing to back you up. I've never been a difficult person to work with, you guys were the ones who had to make project miserable for everyone. I don't see why i shld put in my best and let you leach and rip the benefits of it a single bit.

I need to get out mans and find better humans to surround myself with. Damm the lecturers who say they will do something against losers like these but do nothing in the end. Like whatever happened to being fair and wise or whatever. Seriously the next biggest piss factor whld have to be people who are all talk but no action. Those are just as bad in my point of view.

Just something to voice the frustrations in my brain. Please dammit don't let me dream of this BS laters gaian. It's like a nightmare that refuses to go away.

2009-07-28T03:37:00.003+08:00

the night is best set aside for reminiscence
suddenly i wonder what if...
if only..
time to head to bed

2009-07-24T02:16:00.002+08:00

zomg im so irritated by everything. its like im even irritated and annoyed at me for being so easily irritated and feeling all annoyed. am i making sense. summery here cuz im obviously too fcking lazy to blog but yea projects sucks, i wish it wasn't such a roller coaster ride with you all the time cuz it just confuses and tires me, E just told me something bout a certain someone, and it annoys the shit out of me that THAT girl keeps appearing in my life. I wish she'll just vanish, zomg irritating really. dont ask me why i really don't know why im getting all rilled up but okays maybe i know, but it doesn't make any sense. and WTF you don't give away presents that people give you.NEVER. its just plain fcking rude shaun sim.

zomg i need to bitch and a drink. I hate knowing stuff. Sometimes i wish i was really this clueless bimbo that everyone thinks i am anyways. Ignorance is so blissful sometimes.

dammit

2009-07-11T16:44:00.002+08:00

dammit! cant i even sleep in peace. zomg!!!
im so pissed, fcking pissed to be exact. my god didn't she read the label on the dress. Now its ruined and she pinning it on me saying that its my fault, i shouldn't have bought a dress that needed dry cleaning and blah blah blah. Like zomg just shut up! its like not even your dress that got ruined in the wash by someone else. And ive only worn it for a night! Less than 16 hours even. Like obviously its the job of the person doing the laundry to check the label no! OMG im like so bummed out nows. Double fck cuz i was planning on wearing that dress like later tonight. Omg and she has the cheek to ask me why i like sound pissed and mad. Like duh would you not be if it was your dress. Your dress that you've like only worn once and like alot. Besides its like the 2nd dress that you have ruined excuse me!!! THE SECOND!!! fck fck fck.
im like so not in the mood to head out nows thanks to you mother. Thanks a lot like totally.

2009-07-09T14:25:00.002+08:00

zomg im like literary surviving on pure adrenaline rush right nows. Seriously, sleeping at 5am and waking up to projects again in the morning. Not funny mans. It's utter bullshiats. Social life is in the pits nows. sians. Wish me luck as i deal with certain few bloody useless individuals and really taxing projects nows. Till then ppl. =)

i really hope i can say i really couldn't be less than bothered to bitch bout stuff rights nows but i dunno mans. It's just so darn frustrating. Zomg!

much much loves
xxton

2009-06-23T16:09:00.001+08:00

zomg mall mag individual assignment is such a chore...so much to do.

eww eww ewwwwwwwwww.

hahs at least i think the group worked better today.

im in a good mood cause its transformers for laters. Hoots!

lovelove me

2009-06-22T01:47:00.005+08:00

maebe its fatigue kicking in making me all cranky and feisty i dunno. I really don't.

But somehow...

with you I always get that feeling that im not enough for you, that im never meet your expectations. I always feel lesser as a human being, and its really weird cuz im not an unconfident girl on a normal day. I know guys stare, I know because guys do still try pick me up with the whole impress me act. I don't ask for such attention, but i can't say its not flattering. It is. But somehow when with you, the expectations seem never ending, and now im just i don't know...im not sure I even wanna try to reach up to them anymore. Its just really tiring to always try to be someone that im not, meeting up to your personal image of a perfect girlfriend.

When was the last time you really complimented me sincerely from the bottom of your heart. The last time i felt that it was really all bout me for a day, your princess. I rather you appreciate my personality than the amount of skin i bare. i wont tell you all this though because ive tried and we seem to be on different wave lengths.

take deep breath tonia ng. just suck it up till you can't anymore because there's nothing you can do when ure in this deep.

im sad

2009-06-21T20:58:00.003+08:00

zomg nemo is the best cartoon movie ever. Just watched it again and i teared. so touching lols.
hahahas zomg broke broke broke. Now ive gotta decide between buying VS products or dresses to add to my collection. my gosh, rain some moolahs on me pls.

2009-06-13T18:44:00.005+08:00

craving craving craving for some strawberry strudel and a whole tub of strawberry ice cream.

hmmm yumyums.

zomg its so torturing just thinking and not having them for dinner.

2009-06-12T03:15:00.002+08:00

Blogging this from the airport.
working till 7am laters and already im so fcking bored. Highlights of tonight, ive gotta a perviee man coming to my booth to entertain me since 12am. Crazy guy i swear. LOL.
Miss my baby so much nowsss....
he's such a dingdong whathisname doe. Bummer shiats.
hahahas met my fren here agains. gonna grab a late night bite. tatas all you people.

love tonia

2009-06-09T19:11:00.003+08:00

working the midnight shift again tonight. its quite tiring to be honest staying up from 11pm all the way to 7am, kinda nuts. =) hopefully the morning shift humans are not late again. I honestly do not want to OT like this morning lols. Breakfast with my handsome hunk..yum yum! =) loved every second of it!

powerpuff heart.hehs
xxton

2009-06-04T19:15:00.003+08:00

urghhh soooooo pissing!!!

im utterly totally mega pissed.

you buffon clueless piece of ding dong!!!

2009-05-28T22:50:00.003+08:00

to: mom

i miss you. i miss being able to tell you everything, sharing and laughing with you.

these days, its all fights, unhappiness, tension and misunderstanding between us both.

i know what your asking me to do, but forcing me is not gonna do any good iszit. Instead i end up tuning you out and simply drawing away from you, keeping everything to myself. And that sucks. Often i wish i could ask for your opinion on things, your advice, just a listening ear but i know its no use. You'll never see my point and you'll just insist that i do it the way you want it to be and end it. Why, why must i choose. Why make me choose mom. Can't I have both. It's a choice I've made, i just wish you could see it from my point or at least support me. It's so tough and just really tired and stressful to have to deal with both sides. I feel that somehow I've gotta make a decision and either way I'm not getting the whole cake, I'm going lose either one. That totally sucks balls. I feel so torn between, so conflicted, so confused. I'm trying, I've been trying but its not getting better. I want things to get better between us, but i also know that that means carrying out your wishes which.. i don't know... how can i just stop liking someone. I don't wanna choose, i don't ever want to have to. why iszit so difficult. Mom, I'm silently pleading with you, let me be, don't push me away anymore, trust me to do the right thing. please don't make me have to choose anymore please. My whole life, I've constantly worked for your approval and acknowledgement. Just this once let me be, let me do my thing and support me. I hate nothing more than your disapproval and i can never continue knowing knowing that you don't support me but my heart's into it mom. please.

caught in the middle

xxton

2009-05-28T20:56:00.002+08:00

feeling damm uncomfortable.

crappy sore throat. can't eat anything.

feeling super pek chek nows. sians

2009-05-23T23:32:00.002+08:00

why? am i that pathetic of a daughter that all you can do are see my flaws and faults and tell me without fail how i have failed you in this and that and blah blah blah.

When was the last time you actually commended me on a job well done..is anything I ever do gonna be enough... do yourself and me a favour, just ignore me totally. It's better than all the pretense you put up leading me to believe that you believe in me and then hitting me with the hard cold truth afters. Its despicable.

2009-05-21T16:47:00.003+08:00

zomg zomg the PINK chair ATE my nose!!!

bloody painshiats mans. pouts*

--------------

fck why am i so stressed out whenever i go out wif you

urgghhh its so fcking irritating!!!!!

i hate it that im irritating myself over clothes!!!

sometimes i dont understand

FCK FCK FCK!

2009-05-20T16:29:00.001+08:00

zomg retail informatics quiz at 6pm!!!

im gonna die..i dont understand shits mans!!!

zomg please let it be easy.

2009-05-13T20:25:00.003+08:00

im sorry im not the perfect daughter.

i tried. im just not good enough, will i ever be.

even so i wished you didn't say all that.

i thought ive stop caring but it still hurts.

i hate how small and stupid you seem to always make me feel

and i wonder sometimes why im the person ive become.

all i ever wanted was not money, things and whatever else you guys seem to think i want

just your care, your approval, things that everyone else seem to get from their parents without question, i find myself having to work for them.

now i think, could i be better off not caring. maybe i should just stop, stop chasing for something that is not possible to get.

one day im gonna marry someone who knows what family really really means, im not going to turn out like you. im not.

2009-05-10T23:26:00.004+08:00

my new favourite shop, SEPHORA!!!! its zomg zomg pretty PRETTY!

hahahas and it's not a shop that just sells colorful soap okayys.. i just discovered their awesome range of lippie colors. Lipgloss, lip shines, lip plumpers, lipstick..zomg the colors on offer for these are endless! And even better- cheaper, much cheaper than my MAC and shu mera. Time to swap brands. Hehs i must get the sparkly sparkly one! =)

2009-05-09T22:30:00.002+08:00

i miss you grandma.

2009-05-07T22:20:00.004+08:00

zomg zomg zomg!!!

he just came by and totally surprised me with ben&jerry's ice cream because I'm stuck at home working on RP3 stuff. And to think i was so bumped out cause its the 7th again and I felt bad not being able to celebrate it with him. Nows its like the bestest 7th! hehs i know I've declared every past 7th the bestest too.

Many many good 7s!!

kkays I'm blabbering while digging into my ice cream! Zomg still i can't believe you just came down with ice cream. And a moment ago i was chatting with you online!!!

Hehs totally deserve to be loved! =)

you're the bestest! today I'm the happiest girl around!

*grin wide wide =D

3 words for you
xxton

2009-05-06T00:40:00.004+08:00

totally uncomfortable!

giddy,tummy cramps and urggh.

so hate to be alone when im feeling like this

friday is so many days away...

just means many days of not seeing you again. double sucky-ness

shittified with no comfort of sorts

2009-05-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday Liana!!

2009-05-04T23:50:00.001+08:00

awesomeness! another monday off from skool! hoots, i totally could get use to this.hehs =)

so yea decided to meet the silly boy for Macker's this morning before spending the rest of the day frolicking at the beach. hahas 'frolicking'. 'Nice' word, his word! LOL. just our luck there was a bollywood film being shot at the beaches and zomg I have never seen so many bloody groupies following a camera crew before ever! if its a band or something then yea i guess its pretty norm, but camera crew?? Gosh, bollywood must be really bigstuff huhs. hahahs it was really funny seeing all these people get so excited, trying to secretly snap shots of the stars and all, when we were like kinda in the middle of it and didn't even know or cared who these apparently famous people were. Triple laughs. =D
Only bummer was the weak sun. Only the boy got a tan to show lars. megaly unfair afters i too spent hours lying in the sun and ultimately falling asleep. Luge ride at night was uberly fun too. EAT MUD! hehs*

If only everyday was like today, zomg I'll be stoked, all giggles and laughs! Thank you for the awesome day. Missyou alreadys.pouts*

love love you.
happy kid xxton

2009-04-30T23:22:00.001+08:00

i don't feel well again, im tired mentally, physically and emotionally.

when the going gets tough,

all i really want is a warm hug and you to listen and understand,

you to just be there to hold me close

and tell me that you'll make everything better

but....

-insensitive-

xxton

2009-04-29T23:48:00.003+08:00

school's just gonna get tougher.

im gonna be so busy and dead tired.

already i miss you so much.

2009-04-25T16:18:00.003+08:00

A whole week of school is over at last. I love the weekends. Especially so when there's no school on monday, yupps so that means long weekend. What chould be better really. =)
But yea anyways the mom just ruined it and i need to get out. If you think im being rebellious. Shut up!

2009-04-12T18:05:00.008+08:00

It's been awhile since I last blog and many many stuff has happened since. As usual, there were happy days, sad ones and of course, who could miss the drama filled parts that seem to have become a regular feature in my life. Anyhows, I've not crumbled or whatevernots , which is pretty commendable I must say myself. smiles*

Just came back from Easter brunch with the family, and like every year before, it was fab. Don't you just love the buffet spread that the hotels put out during special holidays. It's like magical, the extra effort they put into the dishes and deco! I just love all the chocolate Easter eggs that they put out. so pretty! =)) Easter and Christmas, the best times to go for a buffet spread I always say. hehs* Food aside though, Easter is more than just that. It's been quite some time but today I actually looked forward to going to church and I'm glad I did. =) The message was suitably on whether God was true and many historic facts that support this were pointed out. Take for example AD and BC of our time line and so on and so forth. I'm really glad I went today.

On a totally different note, tomorrow marks the last week of the school holidays for us poly kids. Time passes so fast and once again I'm all excited to start a new year at school, kinda apprehensive though - this means a new class, new project grps and so on so forth. Still we're gonna be seniors!! Wow, has 2 years been over already??

So yea this is not a post for reminiscing. NO TIME FOR THAT! I've gotta start planning the most FABBB week like nows. Suddenly there seems to be many thing I wanna do, that I haven't gotta around to yets and I'm down to just A week?!? Shiats! There's butterfac I wanna check out, there's that excess drinking that I meant to get around to doing, there's sentosa, I need to tan, I need to sort my closet out and zomg so many many people I had been meaning to meat up with. Oh no and there's that O'level cert I meant to go collect ooohs and Uniqlo I must absolutely shop at this week. Yikesss!!!

Kkays don't panic, I need to make a list. Yes I'm good at that. Need paper and nice smelling pen!! *grinnns

loveyou loveyou so
xxton

2009-04-06T22:15:00.003+08:00

ive got tons of happy days to blog abouts but no time. hahas soon soon. =)

feeling the love

2009-04-01T00:41:00.003+08:00

It's 1am nows and I'm alittle bummed. Alrights i guess its more than a little. I am officially really bummed out. It's kinda sad actually that something as superficial as clothes actually matter so much. I would think that all that mattered was comfort and well looking basically presentable. Hell wait, I look better than presentable most of the time. I mean, I still manage to make people take a second look sometimes. Besides my totes are pretty pretty whats?!? And don't be mistaken, I do dress fancy on occasions lols, I do. I would think that would be sufficient enough to make you feel proud. I mean I am confident of who I am and how I look but I guess my style just doesn't fit that of your ideal.

To be honest that's kinda a sad thing to know because I would have thought there were other stuff that mattered more than how I choose to dress. Isn't personality, character, blah blah more important. Feels like your feelings are pegged on the way i dress sometimes. Suddenly I'm feeling a little insecure. It's sad to know that I've disappointed you and I'm just gonna keep doing so but I guess its just not me to conform to the pressure that others put on me. I can't change my style just like that, I just don't feel comfortable. It's just so not me. Which makes me wonder if you feel any less because of this, or would things change if a girl who fit the "dream image" comes into the picture.

I guess it's just something you have to get over cause im not bulging this time. You would know why if you were in my shoes for a day. I just can't seem to find the right words to describe how im feeling nows. Tomorrow is gonna be a long busy afternoon. I'm better be off to bed nows.

dresses and heels that impt...
ton =S

2009-03-26T11:52:00.004+08:00

can you be so mad yet so darn hurt at the same time.
i tell myself, tonia ng stop being a stupid girl. You don't need to go through such bullshit, just detach yourself emotionally and call it a day. It's not right when someone treats you like this. It really is not right. It's stressful and it shouldn't be.
Deep down I know I don't wanna do better. I'm not ready to give up everything we have had and just put it behind me. I'm not ready to call you stranger. I'm not ready to let go.
But maybe things won't get better. Maybe it's time to call it quits. Maybe enough is enough. Won't you like it if life be a bed of roses, minus all the drama like seriously.

amess of emotions
whats love without trust

2009-03-25T01:04:00.004+08:00

i was angry, i was hurt

i couldn't believe it, i was shocked

it seemed so deja vu,

those words I've heard before, they scared me all the same

after a restless night's sleep in tears

the brick walls have come up and any ideas of a fairytale were torn down

i don't know how to make things better this time, i really don't

it'll never be the same again, that i know

I've learned alot in just one night and maybe it was something i needed,

a little reminder to guard my heart, a little reminder to slow down

sometimes i wish you never made me smile,

because now i know how much i hate it when you make me cry.

every girl deserves to be treated like a princess

2009-03-22T19:10:00.002+08:00

i had fun yesterday and I had fun today too even though technically i did nothing =)

really wanted to catch the finals of BOLDERACTIVE at velocity today. I kinda miss climbing i guess. Actually no wait, i really do but... ohwells.

Had dinner at mingles again at last. Standards have dropped we agreed but i still love their ice cream! wheee! Hahahs and by the looks of it the boi has been poisoned by the boysenberry ice cream which is fab. =)) I'm loving the good mood all around. yeahs!

and jerold tan, my reward my reward cant wait!!! hehs =D

feeling the love
xxton

2009-03-20T19:16:00.003+08:00

the sucky weather totally messed up the plans i had for today. totally sucks because i was really looking forward to checking Old Brown Shoe out with my homeboy. stinks much. oh wells at least I had a awesome sandwich, loads of green jello, coke and The Hills to keep me company for the whole day. Feeling much better too, now that the fever is gone. Zomg I'm so addicted to The Hills and I've just gotten the most random phone call. Ever.

im starving again. tatats people.
xxton

2009-03-16T00:06:00.002+08:00

what's going on. hw did things take a turn for the worse again.

it seem like just yesterday when everything was all smiles

will we kiss and make up or will this be it

xxton

2009-03-14T20:17:00.009+08:00

Just came back from dinner with D. pongol nasi lemak and a bout of laughter is good enough to cure my bored soul. =) I've gotta say though, the guy really outdid himself this time. A whole box of cherries fresh from aussie, courtesy of idon'tcarewho is amazing. Hahahs they are like really big and sweet the way the local ones never are. Shiok! Thanks for sharing your loot. hehs much appreciated and in smiles. =D

Hanged at Denise for awhile before the others came along. Decided against heading to Tim's for the party tonight for a few reasons. I'm thinking it'll be an awesome party though. It's been so long since I last partied with that crowd. Oh wells, gotta be up early for church tomorrow anyways, so yea.

-----------------------------------------------

I've been wondering/ asking myself for sometime already, what is it that I want in life, if its worth it to hold on to certain things in my life, are the sacrifices too much, blah blah. Have been somewhat on an emotional roller coaster. Maybe its the stress getting into us or the fact that I've suddenly got alot more time on my hand and am feeling restless as a result. I don't know. Yesterday you asked me what I wanted, but I had no reply. I don't know was all I could say, which made me like feel totally dumb. Things have settled down nows. All that attitude, tears, fustration and whatever nots put aside and a truce was formed. But now after 3 glasses of chardonnay, I can't help but wonder again how long this truce might last. And when it breaks, what happens next? Oh gosh, why am I thinking such stuff again. Damn the wine, I'm gonna grab a coke, get my senses back and stop this mulling around crap.

It's a good day today and I'm a happy girl. =)

xxton

2009-03-11T22:08:00.003+08:00

zomg I still can't believe I woke up at 7 this morning. And boiled whatsitcalled again herbal drink for that silly boi. Hahas I know they say self praise is international disgrace but whatever. I'm so proud of myself. It's so much less fuss to buy a drink from the store, all that straining, watching the fire and alls, thankfully it came out fine and he drank it all. Hehs! =) I think I deserve 100 points for effort and sweetness. NO? Honestly I don't know what has gotten into me, my head feels light. LOL.

Bought lunch over to silly boi's place where we spent the whole day just chilling and watching slumdog millionaire on his mac. Nice nice lunch and even nicer show! If you haven't caught it yets, you should. It's like funny, yet touching and alls. Totally deserving of all the Oscars they won. =D It's really really good. Hmmm hokays maybe it was the company and the cool ac blowing at us too. Stayed for curry rice dinner which was pretty nice. It was embarrassing though. Shan't say why, i'll just feel dumb again. Anyways yea so I decided not to take a cab but the bus back just to prove that im not spoiled and stuff. It wasn't too bad I guess and like 6x cheaper too. hoots! =) 5 more stars to me. hehs

anyways on a different note, haroz just asked me to go back for training. totally caught me off guard but it's really really sweet and nice and sweet. =p Guess im still on the team? Thinking bout going back. Looking through the pictures of Gravical, SMU recent competition kinda made me miss climbing. I mean it's tough but I had fun too thens. Garrick still scares the shiats out of me though. He's like one of those mega-ly intimidating people. Scary.
Sentosa-ing with the gang tmr, pray for good weather and hot hot sun!

just 3 words to melt my heart
xxton

2009-03-10T20:26:00.005+08:00

The moon's simply beautiful today. So big, so round, so bright. It almost feels like one can grab it if you just stretched alittle. Prettay!

Just came back from sun tanning with ellsie and I'm soo burnt. It's kinda uneven though, hopefully the sun will be good on thursday when i hit sentosa with the gang. Can't wait. It seems like ages since i met everyone, doe technically its been like erm 2 weeks? I think. Was much fun catching up on the latest gossips about the others from the girl herself. Sure sounds like the guys have not toned down since I last saw them, which is like forever. Shucks I do actually miss that crazy bunch. =S Heard bouts tioman too. Now should I go or..hmmm toughie here.

Miss the darling miss the darling miss the darling. Maybe I'll see you tomorrow with alittle surprise? hehs. I'm in sucha good mood, I know. I hope "it" won't hurt anymore.

loveme loveme say that you loveme
xxton

2009-03-09T18:58:00.003+08:00

it rained thus poof went the plans to tan with ellsie. Bothersome weather, really.

tonia ng misses:

-pigging out over globs of ice cream
-sushi and hokkien mee, and satay too
-chilling and gossiping with EVERYONE
-mr sun. mr golden sun
-home cooked food. good home cooked food
-sisha-ing till the world starts to spin
-partying up a storm
-doing fun things, exploring fun places
-going by the beach and catching the sunset
-travelling and spending exorbitant amount of moolahs
-candy floss and honey coated popcorn
-your intoxicating scent

zomg she's totally pms-ing again, being all hurtful. Like wtf. Seriously why do i even bother sometimes. Times like now I ask, why do I let myself care even that little bit. Talk about putting a damper on my mood. She's fab, really just fabulous.

xxton

2009-03-08T20:32:00.008+08:00

Almost the 2nd week into the holidays and i already feel like a slacker. Usually i would be working my butt off, seeing if i could pull off more moolahs than the previous holiday period. Maybe I should just stop being so picky and land myself a job already, if so just to past time. Already I'm getting bored and running out of places to go. Singapore is just so boring. Take yesterday for example, dinner was fab but afters we just ran out of ideas of places to go. People, let me in on your secret on how you guys manage to keep yourselves entertained here o0n our sunny island please. Places, places, I need new places to check out pronto. LOL, anyways on a totally random note, I have a sudden urge to play bummer cars. Yea, you know those in amusement parks. Do we even have those around anymore? LOL. hmm a pint of strawberry ice cream would be good nows. aww darn cravings! =)
at least we're taking better pictures. sheesh

overlyshelteredbimbo nomore

xxton

2009-03-07T17:03:00.003+08:00

okays so lets see... I've slept for bouts 15 hrs since last night and i still feel lethargic. Must be the weather. Definitely. Yesterday morning wasn't so bad i guess. It was awful but well at least I had my loves accompanying me through the whole shiat. Definitely made things better. I've learnt my lesson though, never again i promise. Decided to head back home with silly boi afters to catch some shows and just lazed the whole afternoon away. Totally felt better afterwards, even if i did managed to burn the whole bag of popcorn. That was like just..disappointing mans. Funny but very disappointing.

I want my kisses. It's the 7th yet again. yeahness!
xxton

2009-03-04T13:20:00.012+08:00

michelle, gelare, late night mackers and my silly boi made yesterday much better. at least for brief moments I was able to set everything else aside and just enjoy myself. The hugs of comfort, the shoulders to lean on and attempts to distract me, to make me smile, thanks you both. Especially you silly, you who always resort to cheat tactics, tickling doesn't count as a fair way of making me smile, you know! tsk tsk! =) grinns*

I just pray it'll be all over soon. Anyways on another note, I'm going to club hop with the girls tonight. Happy Birthday Si Hui! Haven't club for ages, it'll be fun to catch up and party with the girls again yea. looking forward to tonight? maybe 4.5 outta a scale of 10.

Hoots! at last blogger's photo uploader is working fine again! =)

doodles in pink! i wished i had markers ;p

act studious and ignore me only. hurrs

really bored ppl take snaps of shoes

lurves girlfriend. 10 yrs and counting?

love tuesdays like yesterday

xxton

2009-03-02T19:42:00.001+08:00

its tomorrow and i can't seem to settle those nerves and tummy so to speak.

im worried sick.

2009-02-27T20:57:00.005+08:00

I've been a happy girl! A very happy girl! For the past 24 hrs at least. hehs =D

It's the holidays at last, MB paper was pretty manageable and it was awesome catching 'He's just not that into you'. Just as I had heard, the show was awesome! Very funny yet insightful. LOL i could watch it like a plenty more times. Did I mention that I had excessive whipped cream consumed before and throughout the show plus fabulous company? Hehs and silly boi decided to make me an even happier kid by offering to give us a lift home. Sweetness!

we were being very irish! grinns :D

literary dragged myself out of bed this morning to do breakfast with the guy again. Usually I would tell you to bug off and just roll over back into dreamland, but how could I when he's such a sweetie. Zomg i didn't realise how much I missed macker's Big Breakfast till the smell of freshly fried greasy hashbowns hit me. Shiok!

Tummy's been giving me problems the whole afternoon yet again. Sleeping and puking, urghh. At least I feel better nows. I hope it gets better. By next week I'll be fine? Oh God please let me.

And I still wanna go overseas. It's just gonna be so boring with everyone else overseas and me stuck in Singapore. Depressing. Kevin did ask me to join them to Cambodia though, but its freaking in June. Total bummer! Oh wells looking on the bright side the silly will be here too. gosh i hope you've got plans to keep me entertained. Hehs and me watching you play wow does not count. Nopes! grinns*

lubyou lubyou fattie thubbie like me lub strudel
happy happy kid
xxton

2009-02-25T12:18:00.002+08:00

yesterday's paper was erm wells, i didn't finish the paper. I can't believe he actually tested everything lols. Everything! Anyways yea having MB paper tomorrow afternoon. I'm gonna be a free girl! Whee! Now i just have to get my butt out of the house to meet manda to study. Thank God for friends. =)

Have had many craving recently. Currently it seems to be KFC or pizza, just something cheesy people. Have this sudden urge to plonk myself in the cinema and catch a couple of shows too. Everyone's saying the chick flick- He's just not that into you is nice, but seeing that the silly boi is anti chick flicks of any kind... oh wells i'm sure there's somebody out there who wants to and have yet to watch it too. I'll find you, you just wait. LOL

Kkays better head out before im late again. ohs and i still wanna dye my hair purple or just do something to it, im bored. so bored.

xxton

2009-02-23T23:29:00.003+08:00

With RVM's paper being scheduled for tomorrow morning, i decided to start studying today. You see, I tried, I really did but zomg it was a disaster. Ended up falling asleep in MOS burgers and later being distracted by the crazy games on Gabbie's iPhone. I'm such an awful student, yes i know and yes i do feel bad. Zomg how am i gonna pull my GPA up and make into uni. crapps, what am i gonna do about me mans. Bummer!

Oh wells, on a lighter and happier note, the silly boi came by this morning to surprise me with STRUDEL!! hahas it wasn't really a surprise since i kinda figured it out the night before but it was still sweetness! =) You see I've been craving for strawberry strudel since 2 days ago that's why. I swear I could hear the brain chanting 'strawberry strudel strawberry strudel strawberry strudelllll!' like every moment. Darling bought blueberry strudel though cuz they didn't have the strawberry ones. The blueberry ones taste excellent too though. Much better that the apple ones in my opinion, 2nd to my favourite strawberries. hehs. Just can't get enough of the cream and pastry. Zomg today, I'm the happiest girl ever. I'm thinking no more ice cream parlour in the future, I want to own a strudel store. Imagine that! =) grinnnss* anyways thanks millions again silly. missed ya much

food for thought : why are blueberries called blueberries and not purple berries seeing that they are purple and not blue in color? hahahs tell me if you noe the answer. It nags at me each time i take a bite of strudel lols. =)

feeling the love
xxton

2009-02-18T13:10:00.003+08:00

today is one of those days where i inevitably find myself totally restless. motivation to study is like nada. no existent. thus I've decided to take a break today and resume my studious efforts at getting a decent GPA tomorrow instead. =) On another note, I've been dying to catch some shows in the theatres but everybody is so busy. Everybody including me if i actually do start studying that is. oh mans i cant wait for the exams to be so over.
FCKING BORED!!

craving pizza
xxton

2009-02-16T19:18:00.002+08:00

This stinks! I feel like crap physically. The head's been hurting since yesterday and it just doesn't seem to be getting any better anytime soon. Every time I wake up and get up from the bed, its like ouch, throbbing pain and zomg i feel like puking, AGAIN. I've got zero appetite, forcing myself to eat only because i know how terrible those gastrics can get later ons. I'm tired and alone. I want my silly boi so much. I don't want to deal with this alone. I'm not strong enough. I'm tired, I want to scream, I want to rant, I want to cry it all away.
The exams are next week. Oh God please let me be strong and study hard. I need to do well, i want to do well.

will a hug make everything alrights?
i want a hug, i need a hug nows if not soon.
xxton

2009-02-15T17:12:00.002+08:00

Happy Birthday Matthew!

And load of LUCK for tomorrow Manda!

Everywhere was so crowded yesterday but despite everything it was an awesome and extremely delightful day spent with the silly boy. It was too bad Dempsey was packed and mussel guys' service was screwed up. Still i wouldn't have changed a thing if i could though. =)

2009-02-13T13:33:00.003+08:00

I've been a silly girl.

Tomorrow's valentines day. Every girl's holiday i believe. Putting everything else aside, I really hope tomorrow will prove to be awesome. Prettay flowers, love and everything sweet and pink. Really what's there not to love about 14 Feb. xoxo

meeting my girls laters. zomg i miss them so very much.

looking forward to spending it with you
xxton

2009-02-10T18:21:00.003+08:00

I constantly feel like puking and the tummy hurts
The headache is getting worse too. I cant sleep properly and im tired
Maybe I'm too stressed out, but how can I relax

2009-02-09T00:17:00.001+08:00

haven't been eating well

haven't been sleeping well

i feel like puking, pushing my food away

feeling totally crappy.

2009-02-06T08:38:00.002+08:00

praying hard.

2009-02-03T18:27:00.002+08:00

Two tests tomorrow and I can't seem to concentrate on my notes. Screwed up. Haiz mom's not helping much. Apparently she has chanced upon some stuff and now has decided to launch into a continuous lecture in her much perfected droned voice. Have decided to just keep my mouth shut this time and hope the whole issue just rides over soon. Please soon please. Can't wait for the holidays and get out of Singapore. I need a break away from the whole scene here. Maybe Malaysia, Bangkok. Hmm come to think of it, haven't been to the coast for quite sometime already.

Have been sitting on the fence and at last I've decided. I have after much debate with myself decided to quit the school team. Yea I know it is quite a waste after all the effort I've put in but if I can't commit then there really is no point rights. Staying on means im taking the sport for granted and i remember a time when I use to frown upon those who took competitive sports lightly and who weren't serious about training and alls. Yea I think I made the right choice. I'll just really miss all the people though.

Looking forward to thursday at gabbie's and maybe joining some of the others for a night out on Friday. It's been like a really long time since I last partied hard with my hair down. I feel goodie nows, too goodie in fact. =)

it has to come, im getting freaked out
xxton

2009-02-01T22:02:00.006+08:00

oh so much have been going on this past few days. Awesome times, tempers that flared, miscommunication, over protectiveness, project submissions, CNY visits and a not too well physical condition takes the icing on the cake.

Caught red cliff recently and its fantastic! This coming from someone who didn't even watch part 1 of the film. But im really intrigued by it. So much so that i want to lay my hands on the three kingdom book. In English of course. Can you imagine me trying to read the Chinese copy? Zomg i probably would end up hating the book and dumping it in some obscure corner of the house. what a disaster that would be. =) hehs

Am suppose to be doing my RP2 individual journal that's due tomorrow but im having this writer's block which is extremely fustrating. Ended up painting the last untouched wall in the room grey. I must be nuts, I think im nuts to have walk up on friday morning, deciding to give the room alittle makeover. Totally mental now I see. Painting is so tiring and I wouldn't even do it if you offered to pay me. Never again. Hmm no wait maybe for the right price i just might. Lols. Still gotta go get decals and the little stuffs. Maybe I should have waited till the holidays to start playing interior designer. Oh what was I thinking. Hmmphs. Well at least now I've got grey and allure colored walls and I feel very proud of myself. Hehs.

Haven't partied for awhile. In fact ive been a pretty good girl recently so to speak. No shisha, no clubbing, no drinking except well loads of poker and MJ. No classes this Thursday. Hmm ladies night at buttfac..tempting, so very tempting. Ohs but there's still those 2 tests on Wednesday to clear first. Bother!!

I want shop and buy clothes, bag and loads of bags and watch all the shows now showing. I want to cuddle up with a stack of novels, I want to snuggle inside with a whole bunch of DVDs and pizza for a whole day, I want to fall asleep where its puts a smile on my face, I want to dye my hair purple and pink and I want the holidays to come nows. grinnss

xxton

2009-01-28T00:08:00.002+08:00

What's up with me? Since when did i get so insecure, so unsure of myself and my worth. Gosh doubting myself sure is tiring and totally screwed up but..I wish I still believe in myself. Instead, ive become one of those insecure self doubting girls that i always frown upon.

I once did a quiz that pointed acceptance to be my greatest need. Praises, attention and acknowledgement drives and elates me while disapproval or unconcern simply destroys me. Scary how these quizzes can get so accurate at times ayes. Maybe it's because i chose to bottle everything up previously that has gotten me into this state. I chose to shove everything i couldn't deal with aside and now it has gotten the better of me. Especially so with one special case. I've always known that you cared that I meant alot, but maybe I need more than that. It gets hard to remember this fact when there's no evidence, no words, no actions. I guess now just knowing is not enough, I need you to tell me, will you show me? Not knowing how to hardly cuts as an excuse anymore. Everyday, it gets harder to look around me and be content or brush it off unaffected. I'm a girl, im envious and I wish you bothered like others. Its superficial I know but you're not the one having to face THAT look on their faces, their mockery, their pity, fumble for an awesome answer or put up a front. I tell myself it's stupid and shallow to let such talk get to me, but it does it does it does!

On another note, CNY has been awesome so far. Great luck with the money multiplying scheme. More visiting soon. Still haven't decided if im gonna quit the team anots. Haiz.

gonna sleep and forget again, im being silly
xxton

2009-01-26T00:47:00.003+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
HAPPY BIRTHDAE WenKai & Nish! =)
**sorry i didnt make it 2 both ur parties drunkards**

Its this time of the year again when the queues for bah gua gets insanely long, when honestly the only reason we bother with the house visits is because of the hong baos, and my personal favourite, the only time in the year you can be totally cheena and no one can call you ah lian. Hahas in fact the more cheena the better. LOL. =D

Spent the whole day cleaning up and making last minute trips to IKEA. Shagged but at last the house is pretty, or as pretty as it can get for nows. Still have my room to redo, but well at least the main things are in place. The rents seem pleased with themselves. Good moods and bigger hong baos thens? sheesh.

Another long day tomorrow. Heading down to Uncle's Peter's place before heading back with the others in tow. Yippee mj and poker. Hoots! getting addicted bad bad.

3 words
xxton

2009-01-25T03:13:00.001+08:00

So i decided to head down to Sim Lim afterall to get the desktop. Yea, decided on a desktop for nows, though i saw this really pretty hot pink lappie. Gotta go back there to check one of these days. don't really like that place though. Makes me alittle uncomfortable i guess.

Silly boi came down in the end. He came! Never did i feel so lost and hopeful before. I wished I was of more help, but gd, ram, hdd? Huhs what was it again. Yea so it get the drift. Guess behind all that bravado, i really couldn't have manage without some help. Did dinner at Kallang before heading back to get the computer fixed. It all ended well.

let this smile stay, let this night never end
xxton

2009-01-24T01:07:00.002+08:00

Im such an awful screw up walking contradiction of a human.

2009-01-23T02:14:00.002+08:00

I lost my thumb drive. Total bother!! Initially thought i had left it in the pocket of the blue dress, but it's like not there. Ditto in all the bags and cupboards too. Shits!

HTM presentation didn't go too badly i guess. Headed down to meet silly boi at parkway for dinner and groceries shopping. Saw Chen Onn on the bus, which was totally surprising. seeing that it was probably my first time seeing him in skool despite being in tp 2 years and counting lols. Anyways yea, dinner at Ichiban was simply awesome as we stuffed ourselves. LOL so much for eating at hawker centers. We really ought to learn how to budget ourselves and save. U reading this silly boi?! Hahas it's chicken rice next time. Cheap chicken rice!!! =D

Ohs ohs and i went for a car wash and yes im very much intrigued by it. Doesn't even come close to those big car wash machines that daddy use to drive through when we were kids, u know those with huge brushes and mops? Hahahs but still, it was fun. Told ya it doesn't take much to amuse me. Hehs =)

It's been a wonderful day and nows I've gotta complete that 1000 words comm skills individual journal by tonight cause i so wanna go Chinatown with the others tomorrow. Can't wait. Jiayou tonia!

Idiot lover!!! SMUACKS!

the rhythmic rise of ur chest with each breathe soothes me to sleep
xxton

2009-01-22T02:05:00.005+08:00

Its 3am in the morning and once again i find myself blogging because i can't get back to sleep. Was awoken once again by them nightmares. Shan't elaborate its contents here, its kinda stupid really.

I wish you were here to make everything alrights again. Hate it when we argue. At times it feels like im walking through a field full of landmines, cautious and never knowing if my next sentence will cause a outburst of sorts. It really so tiring sometimes, i don't know if you feel the same way. I'm not the most difficult girl to please. Instead if you know me, you'll know that it doesn't take much to make me smile and think the world of you. I'm just a girl, sometimes we need a little concern and alittle pampering to know you that you care enough. It's in the little details.

Can't breathe and I'm shivering under the sheets. I wish the nose would just behave. HTM presentation at 4pm laters. Please let me do well, please. still wishing you were here if only to give one of your comforting hugs

xxton

2009-01-20T23:33:00.005+08:00

has it only been a week since i last blogged?? zomg it definitely felt much longer. The past week has been mega crazy mans,MY definition. yea so you know nows why i have been such an antisocial biatch lols. =) Between skool, project due dates, the renovations of the house, the family and all other commitments, its been almost impossible to have a social life. Getting sick did nothing to help AT ALL.

but if anything, silly boi proved to be a total darling and more this week, saving my ass time after time, from accompanying me to vivo and reatardly snap photos of the retailers to loaning me your lappie and just being there. Zomg my knight in shining armour i like to think! hehs =) except i don't think knights in shining armour are suppose to get you sick too. grinns but oh wells, i guess i don't really care for being well anyways. Everybody knows i never do a good job taking care of myself ever, hurrs. Wouldn't trade you for anybody else or have it any other way :D but seriously, its been a totally awful week, from getting chased outta the home by the mom, to the dad literally crashing the computer the night before RVM individual report was due to barely avoiding the wrath of Sam tan for late submission-not and a whole load of less significant stuffs. Yea my nerves were all jumbly up and for a good reason too.

ohs i also met the other guys on Monday last week to celebrate David's bdae. Zomg can you believe how much we've all grown since... The guys will be heading to army soon, botak heads and muscles.charming. hahs. headed down to Twenty Six, this awesome alfresco bar/cafe/dining place for drinks. The place is utterly pretty if you must know. Its the place, perfect to unwind with a group of friends, especially seeing that we haven't met in ages. The most awesome part of it all - you can hear the waves crashing against the shore and that refreshing sea breeze. awwws.. Finished our bottle before we headed to our of the benches by the sea to chill more. That subsequently saw us being stranded, away from the bicycle tracks as the tide came in. It's crazy seriously. Global warming is nutss. Next thing you know, Singapore will have a white Christmas. Its been getting colder these days. Actually found myself shivering ever so slightly while waiting outside parkway the silly. Hahas guess that just means more nice smelling people on the streets. hmm we definitely can get used to that yea. sheesh!

Gabbies place on Friday was fab. It's like only the ultimate place to have a party party! Air hockey, SWEET! Steamboat, poker, majiong, xbox, pool, air hockey, baileys, mackers and amazing friends, hmm i envision myself falling into a Friday routine. =) ohs not to mention the 'really' interesting scenery from the roof. giggles.

another tough week its gonna be. Presentations and alls. Gosh where are the holidays when you need them.Zomg and i still haven't had my DIM SUM! darn.

some of the pictures taken that night. zomg still think it was damm sweet the way u guys helped picked my beads of the floor. the rest of the pictures are up on facebook yea. kisses.

pls apply tenderlovingcare
xxton

2009-01-12T22:52:00.003+08:00

Skipped training again, possibly for the last time cause the sister got back her results today, thus the celebratory mood. 7 points, dammit im proud of her! Guess studying really pays off, hmms if only i could get disciplined. Hahs probably not going to happen anytime soon. Went to purchase lights for the room afters. Ended up with some totally boring normal ceiling light. Kinda sucks though cause I really wanted that cool little sphere lamp but mom was pretty much adamant bout getting it. School was alright, just really tiring and zomg so many deadlines due this week! Craps =X
tons of people asked about the hand today, which was really embarrassing. Imagine having to admit that you accidentally scalded your arm while handling the kettle. Totally clumsy and embarrassing, yea i know. For people with an over dosage of clumsy nerves, such acts have seemingly become a part of daily life. Oh yea and if you wanted to know, between scalding your arm, walking into a glass panel, walking into a drain, scalding has to hurt the most, initially, though walking into a glass panel like leaves you in utterly embarrassed and a nasty swell on the forehead. walking into a drain...please it doesn't even come close while walking into a lamppost however definitely takes the icing on the cake of humiliation. Yea i would know cause well, don't ask.

Ohs here's something for you guys to ponder on. Why do babies drink milk and not milo or horlicks or fruit juices? Why milk? Can milo replace milk as a staple seeing that milk's just not that safe these days? I mean milo has all the iron any blah blah that milk contains too, no? Hahas werid huhs, i think im gonna feed my kid milo next time just to see if it works. Pretty cool if it does ayes.

xxton

2009-01-12T02:56:00.002+08:00

Its almost 4am. Once again its late, but i can't seem to fall asleep. Not to mention there's trading tomorrow. Gonna be a long day ahead. Parents wanna do dinner laters i think, then there's that thing on tues and training on wed and thurs and friday night. Look's like we won't be meeting anytime soon. Already i miss him. Can't help wondering though, does it even matter?

2009-01-10T23:29:00.002+08:00

Total coincidence! I didn't plan to but im so glad i had nothing to do, that town totally bored me, that i had to go to school today and that i decided to buy microwavable swee mai from Jason's up to dad's place for dinner because if i wasn't so pathetic, i wouldn't have met Adrian today!! hehs!! Like zomg! It's been too darn long since i last saw the guy, 3 years i think. That's very long rights. xD so you can imagine how shocked i was when he walked in with uncle loo. hahas maybe i wasn't initially, didn't recognise him at first, came out from the back, said hi to uncle loo and i honestly thought he was just some random guy browsing around. Hokays so when he came up and say hi, i like totally blanked, huh for a moment, before i realised zomg zomg zomg its him!That smile, that voice, that stupid nickname!! Urggh thinking back, i must have look crazy to him just nows.shiats! Anyways can a person change so much?? It must be illegal or something! He like lost all his baby fats and zomg so tan nows lols. Hahas shiats im blabber-typing again. eeks*

So yea we took uncle loo's car out to Dempsey for some much loved B&J's afters. Must say it feels kinda weird not meeting someone you haven't seen or heard much from for 3 years. Before England, i practically grew up with the guy! so much to catch up on. Was kinda awkward initially with all the small talk in the car and alls before.. hahas our secret. ;) whew thank god, inside he's still the same guy i knew from before. hehs.

Open house was pretty alrights. Sales at first avenue was a record high for our class. Was really fun being the cashier, all the nets transactions, stressful but oh so fun. Hehs =D Was suppose to go down town take some photos and buy a bag, shoes and clothes for CNY, meaning no black stuff. The photos were miserable cause of the crazy shopper traffic on the sidewalks and i bought so much nonsense again and none of what i had planned to get. Haiyo why like that. tsk!

Still super craving dim sum!!!! HOWS!!!

smackers i missed u
xxton

2009-01-04T23:11:00.002+08:00

Its 12pm and im still not done. No where near in fact. Somehow i keep finding myself having to add in paragraphs here and there all while trying to make sense and re-structure their parts of the project. It's bloody frustrating, made worse by the lack of sleep, lack of comfort food and splitting headache and running nose that couldn't choose a better time to attack my immune system! I should rant more, but really what's the point dwelling on it rights. I should just get on with the work and hopefully catch some snooze before school at 8.30am tomorrow.

Actually planned to go without dinner cause i was so sick of them fast foods and well yea no time. Had to skip on dinner with the rest but daryll proved to be a absolute sweetie, dropping by with laksa on his way back. Really was craving for sushi, but heys laksa's still awesome. Quite surprised and touched actually. =)

He made me miss my silly boi more though. I won't say why but yea..oh wells, don't really want to go there. Not today, ive got more important things to see to first. Still daryll, thanks loads though i really didn't need more apple juices, my mom's nagging saying that the fridge has no more space lols. Hint hint, B&J's next time? xD

Gotta control my emotions. I will not let myself feel anything but positive juices. I will not crack, every thing's gonna be alright.

i won't tell u cuz i don't want anything out of obligation

xxton

2009-01-03T13:57:00.002+08:00

Daddy is totally amazing, no wonder his is and always will be the favourite guy in my life. Causually mentioned that I have not had beehoon and tauhuay for breakfast and tada, he went out early in the morning and got them for me from macpherson, where the chicken wings are to die for. He even remembered that i like my soya drink mixed with chin chow! Zomg how not to love him to the max! xD im sucha blessed kid. Lub you dad. Now that im recharged, time to tackle that project. hehs.

2009-01-03T02:07:00.006+08:00

Tonight, i had the privilege of having met 2 different yet similar types of guys. Was making my way to meet daryll and marcs for pongol nasi lemak near my place when these 2 irksome ah bengs started whistling and shouting over to me when i passed them at the bus stop. Eww gross! Simply hate how they stare at you, from head to toe.Like zomg why do guys even bother whistling at girls. We are girls not dogs or cats for pits sake. Totally uncultured, childish and just disgusting. I can never understand guys like them, ever.

Chose to ride with marcs up to Dempsey House to meet up with ellsie and drew. Met this guy, Luke who was with his friends at the next table. Funny how we met, hmm no wait i meant to say embarrassing instead. Walked straight into him when we first arrived and afters almost crashed into him again outside the toilets. Zomg i know and both times were all because ellsie was making me laugh so hard i couldn't see where i was walking. Damn embarrassing cans!! He came by our table laters though, pretty nice guy and quoting from daryll a very smooth operator. Hahs!

Made a detour to katong's cold storage on the way back. It's 24 hrs there, awesome rights!! I know. Luckily i rode back with daryll instead. Somehow i don't think its possible to hold on to numerous groceries bags of junk food and still be safe or feel safe on the back of a vespa.

I'm home early on a Friday night. Silly boy doesn't seem too happy though. Still have a whole lot of HTM project to edit and alls. I wish someone, anyone could help me. I kinda feel lethargic and slack-ish nows. Craving dim sums and coke! Zomg.

all i really wanted tonight was you
xxton

2009-01-01T22:36:00.002+08:00

Gosh its utterly upsetting! The HTM project on zouk is due like on monday and not everybody has sent me their parts yet. Like zomg how irresponsible can some people be. Urggh they were suppose to send me everything by monday and zomg its effing thursday alreadys and they are still not done with their parts? Gosh what were they doing the whole holiday. It's so frustrating cause I want to start doing the editing and I can't because of their incompetence. I have to start now if i want to be done by Sunday night. And now they want to meet in school and get everything done by tomorrow? Gosh wtf its like not possible. Might be if I actually rushed though the editing tonight, ohs no wait, i don't have anything to edit YETS! If I could finish my own part and even do up the cover page and stuff, I really don't see why the others couldn't have completed their given parts by now. Its so unfair that the whole group gets dragged down by some and its urgghhh frustrating the crap outta me just thinking of how ive gotta burn the midnight oil the next few nights because of some..some humans!! triple pfft!

Had to rant there or I've had exploded myself. =) there are some decent people in my group, hmms hokays i actually meant there's one decent person. Yupps just one. Wayne's been wonderful, can't say the same bout the rest unless I lie. =X Haiz I really want a good grade from this. I need it.

Anyways apart from all that, quick update on my life. House is undergoing renovations right nows so im kinda living from my room most of the time, seeing that everything is covered in plastic sheets outside and its uber dusty. Foresee myself feeding on junk food and delivery service since the kitchen is out of order. Eeks gotta remember to do my grocery shopping tomorrow. Caught the fireworks with silly boi yesterday and it was so prettay. =)

love tonia

2009-01-01T22:08:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year!

2008 went by in a blink of an eye. The year saw new friendships being formed and some strengthened, it was a year full of disappointments but also surprises, a year full of ups and downs. It wasn't exactly the best year i've had, but honestly, it wasn't all that bad either. Amidst all the conflicts and disagreements, i manage to experience love at its greatest. 2008 saw me discovering and understanding myself much better. It saw me grow a year older and much wiser. Now a day into the new year, I hope 2009 will be as fabulous if not even better than before. And of course not breaking the traditions of a new year, i've come up with a list of resolutions for 2009.

New Year Resolutions for 2009

try to be punctual more often
be nicer to others. Unconditionally nice!
not judge nor let myself be bothered by any ding dong's comments of me.
will not compromise my morals and beliefs
appreciate those around me
I'm gonna have an awesome year regardless what.

love tonia

2008-12-29T01:25:00.003+08:00

Decided to go to church today and did lunch with the family afters at Glory cafe in katong. Walked past the tiny car showroom at tembling road when i decided to pitch my vespa idea to my dad again. That old man is as stubbon as a mule. Oh wells didn't expect anything out of it i guess, just kinda decided to irritae him alittle.hehs. But zomg at least I learnt that ive got an effing cool uncle today. He was like going on and on about vespas and how he knows this guy who imported his vespa from england and its a downright beauty! ZOMG!
Did some shopping at marina square and River Island for awhile before heading down to meet silly boy for dinner. Guess it kinda went downhill from there.

Had initially made reservations at Outback Steakhouse but decided to go with japanese at the last minute. Guess it's really my fault for not making sure, but I thought that the waraku at cuppage was still the same as before, which was my favourite for a period of time. It's changed so much though, its mostly tepayaki stuff nad alls, very boring and blah. Maybe it would have been wiserto have done ichiban instead. At least im familiar with the menu but yea. It's really not easy to keep making the decisions all the time and the stress of making the right one especially when another person is involved is enough to kill me. I've got high standards for myself. Sometimes it's just nice to sit back and let someone call the shots. Missed Ip man cause tickets were selling fast. Caught agnus, thongs and perfect snogging instead. Pretty funny show. Guessed everything was fine thens, but...

Just got off the fone with ellsie and drew- cause she decided that i needed a guy's point of view and her darling is apparently the best man for the job. Wasn't much help, im still really confused and all mixed up, but they did bring up certain issues that makes sense though im not too sure i like what im hearing. Shiatsss! I'm starting to be one of those girls who are deliberately delusional. But reality hurts, hurts so bad. I rather convince myself to believe that I mean the world to you, that you really care beyond the superficial, that you're just clueless and not because you just don't bother, that maybe im just being selfish, spolit and insesible here. Initially it was easier but can i still do so nows?
Can I really? I thought that if i was better, if i put in more effort, maybe it's me. Ellsie helped me realise that I should stop abusing my own self esteem.Zomg!!

2008-12-26T03:07:00.004+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday Sherrill!

Happy Boxing Day too =)

zomg i just tried this that daryll sent me. it's pretty accurate. so according to the webbie, here's my ColorGenics profile:

Name: tonia
Date: 12/25/2008
Colorgenics Number: 35160247
-------------------------------------
Much of the time you are preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature. You need stimulation and variation with all matters pertaining to your life. You want to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality being able to charm and influence others. You use powerful strategies with predictable outcomes so as to avoid endangering your chances of success or undermining other people's confidence in you.

You are lazy - you dream of a peaceful, calm, uncluttered and uncomplicated life. Your ideal would be to share a permanent base with some person or persons who would be able to demonstrate on-going love, peace and security.

You feel truly deprived - not getting your fair share, but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are at this time and that it is prudent to let matters slide and not hit your head against the wall -so conform and agree for a while. Accept the situation - nothing can last forever.
Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.

You don't like authority and you rebel against all forms of limitation. You are your own person and you intend to stay that way and to get on in the world simply by your hard work and determination.
http://www.goldinuniverse.com/

2008-12-25T23:11:00.006+08:00

Blessed merry Christmas!

Decided to do some shopping after lunch yesterday at raffles and zomg i couldn't have made a better decision. River Island was having sale and I was having soo much fun. Too bad fitting rooms have a limit of 6 pieces of clothing max. Made it quite a chore to keep carting heaps of clothes into the fitting room time and time again. 3 rounds before I grew exasperated of the long q and decided to abandon the fitting rooms and head for the beckoning shoe sections. Hehs its always so much fun shopping especially when there's a sale, nots? Cut my moolah blowing fairytale short, narrowed my choices of must buys and left with 2 pair of jeans, shoes to buy silly boi's birthday present. hmmms i still have to go back to purchase that black hat, more shoes and that pair of jeans I had to leave behind. =S

So yea I guess that was when my luck ran out, while I made my way down to wheelocks cause Raffles didn't have it that is. Actually spent weeks thinking of what to get for him. Was toying around with a couple of ideas but kinda decided on the crumpler when he told me of his new prezzie from his 'rents. Honestly thought it'll be the perfect gift. Well they say if you can't top something, go with it rights? Unfortunately I wasn't the only one. Yea that kinda sucks. Hmm no wait, it sucks big time cause well yea. I can't help really disappointed disappointed. Was hoping to surprise him and see that look of joy on his face. I mean, that's why I put so much effort into it rights. I feel so silly. It reminds me of the time when I.. oh wells. Just another case of having too high hopes and seeing them crashing to nothing. Daryll will say i just never learn yea. =Z Well at least I helped someone pick out the perfect gift. Trying desperately not to feel demoralised*

Shopped around for Christmas gifts before heading down to aunt's Linda's place for the usual Christmas Eve dinner. The food was fab and it was awesome fun just gathering with the whole extended family. The little cousins are simply sooo adorable.
the two little ones and their 'rents. awwwwsss

and their older sisters. cuteness how they're like the same age.

with the darling grandmama x.

fooling around having a good time

spent the early hours of Christmas day with silly boy before heading home to catch up on much needed sleep. The festive season has been nothing short of amazing and i forget how tiring it can be sometimes too. Stayed home most of today apart from when daddy brought the whole family to prego for Christmas dinner. I love that place so very much! Too bad I left the camera at home though. Wasted. Having left my hp in silly boi's car last night left me uncontactable and severely handicapped, thus it was home sweet home after dinner. what a bother ayes..the no phone part i meant. Zomg I've still got a whole lot of Christmas cards lying around waiting to be collected by you people.

Christmas is a time of giving and im glad you liked your the little black guy, hehs. Ohs and many thanks for the Christmas cards sent my way and to Daryll and Marcs, thanks for the box of brownies and earrings. They are amazing and utterly sweet. Hehs, guess no matter what they say im still a girl who'll always still prefer receiving over giving. It just makes me tingle, feel sooo loved and appreciated. I'm doubt i'll ever change. =)

much loves for the season
xoxo tonia

2008-12-20T23:40:00.008+08:00

As of yesterday, the entire family is back in Singapore. You would figure that everything will be all sweet and nice after that little break they took, but nooo... mom and I got into an argument again. Like zomg she couldn't stay out of my way?!?! I didn't mean to lose my temper but its not the first nor the second time. For the gazillion time she had raided my wardrobes and threw out alot of MY clothes. Imagine coming home to find one of your favourite tee on the floor, used as a rag!!! Like zomg rights! I mean the shirt is alittle old (like what 2 yrs at most?), but it is meant to look old-ish, worn out,urghhhh!!! =X Did i mention that she still hasn't gotten me my birthday present? Yeah i know that sounds childish but im sore. I can't help it. I was really disappointed. I didn't even expect much, but to know that she couldn't even bother to take the effort to shop for a gift, any gift, it hurts. It's like gosh, im your daughter, don't i deserve some effort from you?!!! The excuse of not knowing what to get just doesn't cut it, not with me. It just means you didn't try hard enough, period.

Anyways besides that, today was a pretty awesome day actually. Woke up only at noon after a late night out with silly boy and all that tossing and turning in bed afters. Nightmares, don't ask. Met the cell guys together with steph and Jocelyn at parkway before making our way down to Cherlyn's place all the way in west coast. Super far, but it was worth it i guess. Caught up with the others while playing risk and alls. Dinner with all the other adults were awesomeness! The Christmas food, Fantastic! No wonder the say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. So true. =D Shiats does that mean I'll probs end up an old lonely hag? eeks!!

Hitched a ride back to the east and made my way to Daryl's pad. Yupps the guys are having a welcome back, early Christmas, December babies birthday party tonight. Just after 11 and everyone was pretty much pissed and alls alreadys.tsk! =) Pokered and won $10-ish. What a waste i couldn't stay for through the night. Missed them all so much when they left for aussie, and daryll, mans the uk and aussie did him good. Don't know why you were complaining so much over there mans. Grandmama's getting baptised tomorrow during the 10am service and i soo wanna be there. Gotta sleep early and stay away from the booze if i wanna be up early in the morning. hehs. Managed to get some pictures before i left though. grinnnnssss ;p

the mini fridge, best birthday prezzie ever rights daryll?

the whole bloody place was even messier.ewwwss

sneaked up on the drunk host

Shiatss! I just realised that I still haven't done my Christmas shoppings yets. No cards, no prezzies, no food! Zomg and im left with Sunday and Monday and Tuesday if im not staying over at Jocelyn's place that is. Zomg technically that means 2 days left!! Anyone up for running the Christmas errands with me? afterall what better way to feel the festive cheer and get in the mood ayes! =D

festive cheers never fail to lift my spirits

xxton

2008-12-18T19:06:00.004+08:00

Didn't do the doctors in the end. The thought of them sending me for a blood test, blah blah.urggh! Spare me. I much rather stay at home and cook up a storm which is what i did exactly. Raspberry jello! It always makes be happy, that berry red color and sweetness that tingles all your senses with each spoonful. blissful.

Was doing some shopping online when i came across this. The 88 color eyeshadow palette by Coastal Scents. Zomg rights, i know! 88 colors!!! Doesn't it remind you of the water color pallets that we use to have as kids! Hehs =) Hmm the reviews online seem pretty positive but then again im not too sure bout it. What if the quality turns out to be like you know, pasamalam-ish. Ewww rights! I'm so not gonna plonk some disgusting low quality product on my face. Should i take the risk. It's a pretty good buy and some of the colors are so prettayyy! Gotta make my order soon if i want to get it by the new year or even Christmas. Hmmm...

Thinking of doing some shopping tomorrow seeing that i won't be getting any done during the busy weekends. Mom and sista should be home by thens too. Gotta remember to ask the dad when they're back.

ur unpredictability is wearing me out

xxton

2008-12-18T01:02:00.002+08:00

whoots! just came back home from hanging outs with anfernee. Haven't seen the guy in like what erms 3 months and he's still the same. Even sweet mans. =) Caught up with each other over dinner at Aston's. It's as amazing and as crowded as the one in Katong lols. Crazy guy surprised me with a cake afters. The whole cake this time. Like zomg cans. Super touched. Thanks guy. Can you believe it's been a year readies? Seriously. Anyways like i said, you really gotta stop spoiling me yea. Heard that guy! hehs, i might get too used to it. But yea it was awesomeness. xD
caught the show BOLT afters. Was pretty apprehensive at first, but the show is kinda good for a cartoon with a talking dog. Pretty cute actually. No wonder ellsie was telling me that i should watch it. I see what you meant babe.

Anyways daddy's back at last with loads of goodies. Missed him so much. Rashes on the hand seem to be getting worse. dad's really freaking out bout it, trying to scare me with all that drama. Probs head down to the doctors tomorrow to see what they think bout it. Maybe its something i ate, it's starting to hurt alittle but nahs im not telling the dad least he drags me to the hospital immediately. Even so, it feels good to have him back. =) smuacks.

sucker for all that attention
xxton

2008-12-16T00:25:00.003+08:00

stayed up all night just to make sure i was awake to wave the 'rents off. Spent the rest of the day over at silly boy's place. Was doing nothing really, but it beats staying at home alone. I've always pride myself to be a pretty independent girl, you know travelling without the 'rents and hardly ever being homesick much. It only just makes it all the more ironic cause while i don't feel weird staying away from home all alone, I'm feeling super weird out staying at home alone. huhs rights!! i know.. *roll eyes.

Gosh maybe i should have taken up the offer and stayed over at silly boy's place. It just seems too lonely at home. Yes and I've got the tv, the computer and almost all the lights on. Tell me bout it rights! It's just totally different to come back to an empty home, really different. I miss my family. More than i thought i will.

Oh wells, 1 day down. at least I've got plans tomorrow. Kinda already miss holing up on silly boy's couch. Don't forget bout the pretty looking donuts yea =) Hmms i hope the sun is scorching tomorrow. I'm thinking of a tan before heading down to town and shisha's on the cards too.

will u cuddle me to sleep
and chase the shadows away

xxton

2008-12-15T00:05:00.002+08:00

the 'rents together with the sis will be leaving in a few hours time. that means i get the house all alone to myself. yippees rights? nahs, only i can't help but miss them alreadys. just wanna knock myself in the head, now that the prospect of staying home alone seems really boring. why did I not want to go with them again? gosh tonia! can't possibly let them know how much im regretting this. mom will say its my own fault, which i guess it really is this time cause she kept asking me if i had changed my mind, but i stubbornly refused. Suddenly staying alone at home for a whole week seems really boring as compared to touring with the 'rents and relatives in tow. Gosh the fact that everyone has left or is leaving makes things much sadder. well, at least silly boy is still in town yea. hmm but somehow that doesn't seem like its gonna help my situation. Plans plans plans. I need plans quick! LOL.

just now, this one time, i wished i could drive. Then maybe i would actually be able to send the 'rents off instead of just waving them off at the door. boo hoo.

over dosage of coke
xxton

2008-12-13T03:00:00.002+08:00

its 3-ish in the morning and i still can't sleep. Like all the other nights, im pretty sure at bout 5 will i then doze off into a restless sleep for a mere few hours. Can't seem to get enough sleep these days. Really bad. It's been a week odd nows. Oh wells.

Anyways, thinking of selling my zoukout tix. Yea I know, really last minute, silly me. Text me if you, anyone wants it yea =)

craving attention and love
xxton

2008-12-12T23:45:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

2008-12-11T01:44:00.003+08:00

Heys guys for those of you that are meeting me for dinner, here's the place, map and alls...
I think we're meeting at 5.45pm, clarke quay mrt. Seeya =D

ohs and its dbl0 afters..seeya all there. 19 shots! HOOTS!

39, North Canal Road (Clarke Quay MRT Exit A), Singapore 059295
Car Parking : Apollo Centre, Merchant Court Hotel (Both offer per entry after 5pm and Sunday)

words really can hurt, alot

building the high walls, hiding inside

2008-12-09T23:56:00.004+08:00

Just got home from ellsie's place. Been spending the whole day there apart from the time I went off to school for my MB paper. Try studying with those two, especially marcs, I tell you its impossible, but i love them anyways.

don't be fooled. it taste wayy better than it looks. Its the ugly mashed potato.
Tried my hand at whipping up some mash potato to bring over for lunch. Turned out to been pretty successful I must say. Quite proud of myself. See I can cook kays. hehs* =D lucky ellsie was the only one that had no exams to see to lars. Damm jealous. Hahas but yea guess she had hers weeks ago so it kinda fair, like she said. Still hahas. Met marcs at siglap to have our gelare fix before heading back to ellsie's place to keep her company/ study. And I really meant to study. I mean RVM paper tmr mans, don't play play. It's going to be tough lols. Didn't cover much in the end, which means ive got to wake up earlier tomorrow to finish whatever remaining chapters. Simply can't wait for the exams to be over. Then its off to town for some serious retail therapy. Totally looking forward to those Christmas shoppings and birthday prezzies to be done. =) I'm a happy kid.

Marcs you're the most amazing charming heart stopping guy I've ever known,*cough cough*. Hahs bet ure grinning like an idiot! you owe me that ice cream nows. Ding dong guy wants me to say that. hahas whatever rocks your world mans, if it makes you happy. Grinns, but i'll say this he makes the bestest float around. A glass of pepsi witha generous amount of ice cream and alittle vodka and whatever else he added inside, zomg shiok! Go try, its damm addictive. =)

sometimes i wonder, where do i stand

xxton

2008-12-05T18:25:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Darieeee!!!

*smooker!!*priveate joke

Just finished my comm skills submission online. Hehs at last, im free. Ooops kkays maybe nots seeing that there is still 2 paper next week. Hehs soon soon. Havent been able to sleep well these past week. And by that i mean like laying awake til 4am odd like that every morning. Dunno whys also. Maybe its the effects of chionging that darn HTM report, maybe its... ahwells don't really wanna go there. No im determined not to think about it. I will not let you bother me. I'm stronger than that. Don't you just hate how sometimes your emotions seem not to be in your control. Hmmms. ah whatever, I like to believe that im too cool for that all.

So yea anyways, wait hahahs i forgot what i wanted to say. Oh ya, Ben and Jerry's is having Singapore's 1st ever Ice cream festival at Fort Canning tomorrow. Amazing stuff yea!! I know. Don't really know how this works but then again who cares when there will be ice cream. Loads and loads of ice cream. ZOMG i so have to go. Now i just have to see who wants to come along. Hehs its gonna be sooo darn awesome. yumyums im licking my lips in anticipation.

Should I go down to Home club tonight? Flo juz rang me telling me that apparently there's some Christmas thingy going on tonight and if i wanted to check it out. Hearsay the house pours and beers are on the house tonight, and cover charge is non-existent. Hahahs yupps you alcoholics and party ppl heard me right. Should I go, I dunno. Don't really feel like partying tonight, but there's like still no plans for the night yets and I don't wanna stay at home. Its just not me. I have to get out and do something so... well i guess I could join marcs and all for dinner, but..
Urgghs. you clever people probably figured that there's just one person I wanna hang out with tonight, but ahwells he's just too dense to get the hints, to do anything, so forget it. =S

Kkays gabbie just called. Gonna head down to parkway and fill up those empty notes of mine. Zomg tonia, a mugger! Hahs trust me its not by choice, really. I need to shop shop shop, who's in the mood to blow your kachings with your truely. Hahahs total randomness.
Tatats

ive give up, ive lost
xxton

2008-12-02T23:07:00.003+08:00

i don't let on much but it hurts that you don't trust me but instead choose to listen to the telltales of those aunties. All you both care about is your face, your pride. Zomg! Congratulations you have officially made me feel like nothing more than a simple showpiece bought at an auction.
It's so hypocritical really, how you hardly give a damm bout what im doing with my life, but once a certain thing im doing threatens to start gossips from others, threatens to 'throw your faces' as you put it, you suddenly get all concern and poke your noses into my every business, criticising and laying down the iron fist.

It's no wonder I don't bother to let you know more. I just don't see the point of telling you everything then having you doubt me. I like you guys fine but what's the point really. It's just pretty shitty. Just shod it if you won't stand up for me. For a long time, ive not counted on you guys to. I like to think that im pretty accustomed to standing up for myself if needed.

Ohwells whatever. Now i know how my trust issues problems came about.
Thanks alot not.

so fcking pissed.urghhh!

2008-12-02T21:49:00.003+08:00

After all that adrenaline rush fueled with EXCESSIVE and i mean really alot of coke, the rush leading to the completion of that torturing 10page HTM report has been completed and submitted. Even though I only got down to working on it the night before and the parents totally disapproves of the way i work, I'm still pretty proud of myself. 24hrs hehs! Hehs, its an awesome feeling to get off such a cheap thrill. It must be the after effects of the excessive sugar that pollutes my blood. =D

Been sleeping alot for the past day, probs making up for the lack of sleep i suppose. Time seems to have hit the fast forward button. It's the Decembers readies. Zomg so soon righttts! I know, I can't believe it too. It's me 19th Birthday next week readys. NEXT WEEK! zomg and I still have no idea how I'm going to celebrate it. Gosh it's so much easier planning the birthdays of others. So far the only concrete plan I know of is that I'm celebrating the birthday with Daryl and Chen when the whole ching chang gang gets back from overseas just before Christmas. The December babies bash, it's tradition helmed by Daryl. Zomg come back soon people, i miss you guys so much. Daryl you owe me big time, you broke your promise ass! =p

Still got the HTM test this thurs and the mid sems next week to study for. Whees then its the holidays! Can't wait, can't wait! =D Ohs and there's ZoukOut! Hmmms wonder who I'll see there. hehs. Okays back to my CSI and ice cream. SMUACKS!

dish out the love

xxton

2008-11-29T18:28:00.002+08:00

its 6.30pm now and so far I've had practically ZERO progress with that bloody HTM report due on Monday. Urggh i need a miracle. Where should I start, what should i include. Zomg 10 pages.. somehow I've got a feeling this time I'm totally screwed. There goes my A, flying away. Boo hoo!

approximately 1 hr before I'm meeting silly boy to chill. Yeahness! Maybe my brain just needs a break to generate more creative juices. uhuhs yea that must be it. =D

Ohs and if you haven't heard, my hp went bust on me. It poofed! Bummer shiats! Am thinking of getting my hands on the sidekick phone or something nows..Hmm i wonder if simlim has them. Gotta make a trip there soon.

xxton

2008-11-21T11:33:00.010+08:00

Ended up whipping out the plastic one too many times yesterday, buying a whole lot of redundent stuff. Shiats must really control my spending mans. Dammit! Headed down to NYDC at hereen after dinner for the totally addictive newer better brownie and corona beers. That was suppose to be the end of the night but tsk tsk isacc's just corrupted mans. Balcony was next where innerbitions were thrown aside as we shared drinks after drinks. Don't you just love how a person always seem to spill it all when he's had one drink too many? Poor guy wasn't in the best of moods and erms let just say things got alittle too awkward for my liking, but heys cheer up dude yea. All is forgotten alrights. No worries, I had fun being all crazy together. Decided to give dbl0 a miss and cabbed home with isacc instead. Home sweet home at 2am.

zomg at last i've got picture of him. at last.

and he just kept the jugs coming all night...

till it treatened to mess us up >>shaits!<<

actually wondered how many drinks our watches could fetch us..retards!

high, happy and every thing's forgotten.

Just did my comm skills posting online and I've got no idea what Mr Shen wants of us. Urggh it's such a pointless subject that just exist to waste every body's precious time and brain cells. Oh wells at least he likes me, so it's not that bad. Still got my HTM report on western Australia's tourism to work on. Eeks it's due on the 1st some more, no time no time! Aiyo!

drinking, shopping, they're all really just weak attempts to fill that void of emptiness inside

broken smile

xxton

2008-11-20T15:54:00.002+08:00

skipping training today simply cause I'm too lazy to go. There i said it. Ohwells.

what shall i do tonight since ive given myself an unofficial day off. Dinner with Isaac, present shopping with marcs and his pals, dblO with the ching chang gang or... none of which seems to appeal very much to me as of this moment. Hows? Nahs going home early is not an option cause that's just to sad. boohoo.

Okays I've really got to stop lamenting and feeling all sad and pitiful for myself. Why should I rights? Yups, if he doesn't want to hang out so be it. I asked and well there's a million other people that would love to hang out with me. Nothing pitiful there. hmm yupps.. im determined to have a good time tonight. Isaac you better be good company yea or... hahahs I know you will.

Gonna be working the whole of next week, that means busy busy busy. Eeks! Can't wait to meet up with the old working peeps gains. It's been eons since we last met and they are always such a fun bunch. Can just vision myself suffering from mentos overload! hehs.

i'll ask no more for fear of disappointment

xxton

2008-11-19T00:10:00.005+08:00

After last night, it wasn't much of a surprise that I woke up to a splitting headache, feeling every bit hungover. urghhh awful!

Rushed home from ellsie's place to grab my stuffies before rushing yet again to school for comm skills test. Was alittle late but thank God Mr Shen was very nice bout it. Imagine failing comm skill test just because i forgot to turn up for it. zomg that like total dumb ass! Still I hope i don't do too badly. Once too very often, I found myself stumbling/ fumbling for the right words to put down on the paper. Never again I promise myself will i drink that much before a paper. It's just awful trying to take a paper while nursing a hangover. =S

It's quite funny when i look back at the previous post. To think I thought I wouldn't last beyond 12 that night. hahs, well it's not like Marcs had a hard time persuading me to join them yea. Training didn't go too well and I was still dressed to the nicey because of trading that day, how could i say no when marcs called about some bar he wanted to check out. =D

Met the rest of the ching chang gang at Bar Stop on devonshire. The place is pretty swell! Drinks as promised were cheap. Cheap enough to have kept the trays of shots and house pours arriving on our table. How we even manage to get to ellsie's safely is a miracle, no roadblocks on Monday nights, phew.

Drinks, ciggs, B&Js, gossip, love and poker.

Caught the James Bond movie, Quantum of Solace with Isaac after school today. Was just way too bored and everybody else was well hungover or too lazy to step out. Haiz. The show was utterly boring though. Even Daniel Craig's sexiness can't do much to rescue the show. At least Isacc proved to be entertaining enough. =D Missed Gelare though. Boohoo!!

monday night drinks
xxton

2008-11-17T18:04:00.001+08:00

Tired. It's 6pm, im stuck in school waiting for training to start and im fcking tired. Keep catching myself yawning the whole day. Zomg how to climb laters?!? Some more there's internal ranking competition for lead climbing laters!! Zomg im so gonna stink at it and Garrick is gonna scream at me. Urggh psst, im secretly scared stiff of falling off the high wall..especially when lead climbing. What if i don't get to clip my rope before i fall. Zomg hopefully because of that, i'll perform up to standard laters. Pray hard. Ranking competitions are always so stressful..zzz

Got my hair and facial done on Saturday before meeting silly boy for dinner at sketches. The place has gotten alot more popular since the last time ive been there, which is ages. Use to group with the peeps there and fill ourselves silly with their amazing blueberry drink. Good stuff if you like your drink purple and sweet like me! hehs. skyped into the wee hours of the morning with daryl, thus the absence from church the next day which totally set my mother off. zzz parents. Zomg the fuss!

Ended meeting mich at bugis for some shopping before making our way down to suntec's food fair for cheap CHEAP cocktails. Drinks in the middle of the day, zomg girl you're bad influence. hehs but i still love you loads. Did dinner with Isaac before we started our hunt for the ice cream man. Failed miserably, thus the trip to town for tau huay instead. I need my daily dose of sugar. Besides with all that bullshiating, mans... hahahas another late night.

don't think i'll last beyond 12 2day. zzz just wanna sleep.

yawns
xxton

2008-11-14T00:06:00.010+08:00

School has been crazy so far. Crazily busy with displays needing to be set up, projects to be done, trainings to attend blah blah... the workload just keeps increasing and in a few weeks, it'll be the mid semester tests too. Eeks! Talk about stressful. But I'm having fun, much fun even though I'm shagged.
Need an energy booster soon. A nice dinner followed by dessert would be totally awesome and much loved. Hmmm yummy...dinner soon anyone? hehs.

Oh yea rushed home to catch the sister before she left for her prom today and zomg pretty! Im like totally envious yet so proud of her. Hehs it's a sister thing, dun mind me. Oh shiats, just got a text from shaofeng and we apparently have to go down tomorrow to do up the window display. Urggh...Friday is suppose to be my off day from school. So disgusting! Now I've gotta cancel my appointment to the hairdresser, or hmm do u think there's time to dye my hair first thens.. wtf total bummer mans. It better not take long, like drag till after 6pm mans. Can't everyone be just alittle more efficient. ZOMG!

the darling little sis...

yea ppl say we don't look alike. doesn't matter

hearts* with love

seriously am i that bimbotic, really?

missyou

xxton

2008-11-08T17:51:00.003+08:00

Spent the whole of yesterday afternoon at Liana's place working on our little project and it turned out pretty, like cuteness gorgeous pretty!! it was madness trying to stick eyes onto the pompom balls but zomg how cute they turned out to be, awws my babies!!! Zomg hahas im losing it. Hopefully they would sell well once operations at 1st Avenue commences. I've got a good feeling about them. Hehs.

Rushed home afters for a change of clothes before meeting silly boy for dinner. Mingles at Big Splash was imply awesome. The food was good, the service was immaculate. Quoting from him, the place is like a Dempsey hill by the seaside. The night was simply gorgeous. Perfect! More trips to Big Splash soon?? =D 7th November, thanks silly. *winks

aiya, its 6.30 readies. Doing dinner with the family and uncle tom's family at rtc. Urggh it's gonna be so dry, thank God the food will make up for it all. Ohs and thanks marcs for the invite, tell the others im sorry, next time maybe. =) Not really in the mood to party and drink the night away. But a nice cuddle and a bowl of dessert..hmmms. Mom promised we'll go shopping tomorrow after church too. Yeahs! Shiats Dad's yelling readies, that's my cue to log off and bolt. ciao.

told you they were cute stuff. picture from eve cause evil dude had my cammie. giggles

happy bubbles

xxton

2008-11-06T15:20:00.002+08:00

Missed visual merchandising lecture at 9am this morning yet again. Dear Marcs didn't even need to persuade me much to do breakfast with him, not with VM being so dull and boring and my tummy starving yet again. =) Besides if there's anything ive learnt is that breakfast and a bitching session at mackers with marcs can never go wrong for the soul. hehs. tsk i hate how i can be so easily persuaded. hahas not! that slacker dropped me off skool before heading home for some snooze, refusing to attend classes yet again. Zomg if no one knew better, they would think i corrupted you marcs.tsk tsk. grinns =)

Should i head for training laters? I dunno..its Pt day and im not feeling really good. Girly time of the month. urggghh. Besides im still tire. Yesterday was awesome fun. Smuacks!

Total randomness till next time.

tatas
xxton

Sucky Halloween

2008-11-01T19:16:00.005+08:00

so last night was spent out with silly boy. This year's halloween saw me meeting up with silly boi, tagging along to zouk to meet some of his friends, missing ellsie marcs and the rest cause they decided to be fashionable late, heading to haji lane for some shisha and wedges therapy, getting really messed up by the shisha * urggh gross*, throwing some me rules out of the window and making a detour before heading home at 3am. Don't really want to talk about it really. Thinking back...oh wells whatever! Halloween was not what i expected but at least there's still my birthday and Christmas to look forward. Quit brooding over halloween, its passe readies as marcs puts it. =) God, please make december awesome for me. I'm not asking for much, just please don't let it be a stinker. And don't you start judging me and calling me shallow, cause unless you're a Grinch, you don't want your holz to stink too.

Was i really out of line yesterday? Maybe alittle, but not without reason. If you listened and was more sensitive, maybe you wouldn't be so quick to pass your judgement on my attitude. As I tried to find the right words to explain how i was feeling, you already came to your conclusion and i saw no point in trying anymore. There was things i could have said to defend myself and i would have but was it really necessary, i thought not. The night was still young and i simply refused to ruin Halloween. Whatever self control i had went to holding back my tongue and keeping my temper, allowing myself to lose myself with the shisha pipe. I've never been like this, this feeling so strange. vulnerable, insecure, unsure, foreign feeling that you bring out of me. can i really be part of this game. to act with the heart or with logic. Like they say, I've changed. who is tonia, who am i now.

I missed out on today's Climb On competition.

fumbling for the right words

xxton