♣ Friday, August 1, 2008
I've just gone through half the tub of swensens sticky chewy chocolate ice cream but I'm not happy. Well not exactly sad, but I'm just not my usual crazy self that I am always after a ice cream. The sugar rush doesn't seem to be getting into me at all. Mmmm wished I had a bar of crunchie nows, somehow it has become my comfort food for the past few days. It calms me down when I get agitated and the constant sugar rush keeps me so high its virtually impossible to feel any negativeness when I'm chomping down on a bar. I'm serious. Alrightts its starting to sound too much like an advertisement for crunchie and they are not even paying me or anything so all the more I should stop. There.
Feeling kinda moody right nows.
I'm a girl with some serious trust issues, that I know. I know that it gets irritating when I doubt you, when I seek reaffirmation. But well what am i suppose to do? I'm scared. I'm scared that if i rush into things, I'll unintentionally mess stuff up. I'm scared, scared to take a step forward, mainly because there's so many things I'm still unsure, still unclear about, many things that you're not telling. I'm scared cause i don't know anything. I'm scared that things will change, that... the list goes on but you get the drift. Already things are not very smooth, what makes you think that it won't be worse later on? I know I'm getting irritating, its like i keep stalling , its like i don't trust you to take a step forward. Well its just as much me that I don't trust. My inner voice keeps repeating the risks I'm taking if... will you calm my fears and settle my heart? will you quieten down that voice in my head? will you reassure me that everything will be alright? will you not push me away once again?
maybe just maybe thens...
I never told you this but the day you told me of someone else, the times you pushed me away, they hurt. they hurt so much that I knew it had to mean something. These I'll never tell, maybe cause of pride or maybe its fear of being vulnerable. Maybe its a combination of both, even I don't know. When is the day i can trust? When is the day you will trust? will it be ever? will you one day tell me what's bothering you. maybe then that day...
its all too sketchy nows and just a girl with trust issues.
~its back to the projects nows. Rbb be done and over with!
will you be there, a shoulder i can lean on
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 12:56 AM
