its been ages since i last updated...have been busy busy, very busy.

internship has started. I guess outfitter girls at plaza singapura isznt all that bad. I could have been worse i guess. Yeaps im thankful and counting my blessings. Afterall it wouldn't help to be pessimistic seeing that i'm gonna be there for the net 3 months. Have had many surprise visits from various people too. Cant really talk while im at work cuz my in charge is like kinda wtf but its juz nice to see a familiar face. Like totally cheers me up lols. =) so u guys know what to do when u are at PS the next time.

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im sad. im fcking miserable and i don't know how to make it all go away. Im guessing that that's contributing to the frustration and misery; the fact that cant find the bright side, that i cant seem to find the solution to the problem, to make everything alright again.

i can't seem to put my thoughts into words no matter how hard i try. It's like all so jumbled up in there. Im like a confused kid and i hate that. I can't think, i can't smile, i can't laugh. I can't even seem to muster up a convo. with you. tonia ng keeping quiet for once...uhuhs.

i wish u understood where im coming from, how im feeling without me having to tell you. but i know u've got your own take on things and as usual we dont agree. I don't know what else to do except just to shove the issue under the carpet again and fake ignorance. I wish i never knew all that i've come to learn. I wish i never knew this side of you. But now that i know, I can't forget bout it. It's like this constant nagging thought in my head. Even if i could forget bout it all, then what....can i really put up with such. You are who you are and i never want to change or impose my views or actions on u cuz that just sucks. I would know cause ive been there. But but.....am i really alright with such behaviour? can i really put up with it and not be the least bothered? i ask myself..and i think that even if i have compromise at other times..this i can't do.

Im just so confused especially so when this issue has to come up when the other has barely even been solved or disappeared. It sucks double and hurts double much too. I...i just don't know what to do and i think its time maybe to just take a break, clear my head and decide what is really best for myself, what i want and don't want. What's worth to cling onto and what isznt.

times like this i wish i was a dumb ignorant bimbo. life just seems so 0much easier when you're clueless about everything and totally self obsessed.

hurt

tonia