♣ Wednesday, January 28, 2009
What's up with me? Since when did i get so insecure, so unsure of myself and my worth. Gosh doubting myself sure is tiring and totally screwed up but..I wish I still believe in myself. Instead, ive become one of those insecure self doubting girls that i always frown upon.
I once did a quiz that pointed acceptance to be my greatest need. Praises, attention and acknowledgement drives and elates me while disapproval or unconcern simply destroys me. Scary how these quizzes can get so accurate at times ayes. Maybe it's because i chose to bottle everything up previously that has gotten me into this state. I chose to shove everything i couldn't deal with aside and now it has gotten the better of me. Especially so with one special case. I've always known that you cared that I meant alot, but maybe I need more than that. It gets hard to remember this fact when there's no evidence, no words, no actions. I guess now just knowing is not enough, I need you to tell me, will you show me? Not knowing how to hardly cuts as an excuse anymore. Everyday, it gets harder to look around me and be content or brush it off unaffected. I'm a girl, im envious and I wish you bothered like others. Its superficial I know but you're not the one having to face THAT look on their faces, their mockery, their pity, fumble for an awesome answer or put up a front. I tell myself it's stupid and shallow to let such talk get to me, but it does it does it does!
On another note, CNY has been awesome so far. Great luck with the money multiplying scheme. More visiting soon. Still haven't decided if im gonna quit the team anots. Haiz.
gonna sleep and forget again, im being silly
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 12:08 AM
♣ Monday, January 26, 2009
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!
HAPPY BIRTHDAE WenKai & Nish! =)
**sorry i didnt make it 2 both ur parties drunkards**
Its this time of the year again when the queues for bah gua gets insanely long, when honestly the only reason we bother with the house visits is because of the hong baos, and my personal favourite, the only time in the year you can be totally cheena and no one can call you ah lian. Hahas in fact the more cheena the better. LOL. =D
Spent the whole day cleaning up and making last minute trips to IKEA. Shagged but at last the house is pretty, or as pretty as it can get for nows. Still have my room to redo, but well at least the main things are in place. The rents seem pleased with themselves. Good moods and bigger hong baos thens? sheesh.
Another long day tomorrow. Heading down to Uncle's Peter's place before heading back with the others in tow. Yippee mj and poker. Hoots! getting addicted bad bad.
3 words
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 12:47 AM
♣ Sunday, January 25, 2009
So i decided to head down to Sim Lim afterall to get the desktop. Yea, decided on a desktop for nows, though i saw this really pretty hot pink lappie. Gotta go back there to check one of these days. don't really like that place though. Makes me alittle uncomfortable i guess.
Silly boi came down in the end. He came! Never did i feel so lost and hopeful before. I wished I was of more help, but gd, ram, hdd? Huhs what was it again. Yea so it get the drift. Guess behind all that bravado, i really couldn't have manage without some help. Did dinner at Kallang before heading back to get the computer fixed. It all ended well.
let this smile stay, let this night never end
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 3:13 AM
♣ Saturday, January 24, 2009
Im such an awful screw up walking contradiction of a human.
♥being MYSELF at 1:07 AM
♣ Friday, January 23, 2009
I lost my thumb drive. Total bother!! Initially thought i had left it in the pocket of the blue dress, but it's like not there. Ditto in all the bags and cupboards too. Shits!
HTM presentation didn't go too badly i guess. Headed down to meet silly boi at parkway for dinner and groceries shopping. Saw Chen Onn on the bus, which was totally surprising. seeing that it was probably my first time seeing him in skool despite being in tp 2 years and counting lols. Anyways yea, dinner at Ichiban was simply awesome as we stuffed ourselves. LOL so much for eating at hawker centers. We really ought to learn how to budget ourselves and save. U reading this silly boi?! Hahas it's chicken rice next time. Cheap chicken rice!!! =D
Ohs ohs and i went for a car wash and yes im very much intrigued by it. Doesn't even come close to those big car wash machines that daddy use to drive through when we were kids, u know those with huge brushes and mops? Hahahs but still, it was fun. Told ya it doesn't take much to amuse me. Hehs =)
It's been a wonderful day and nows I've gotta complete that 1000 words comm skills individual journal by tonight cause i so wanna go Chinatown with the others tomorrow. Can't wait. Jiayou tonia!
Idiot lover!!! SMUACKS!
the rhythmic rise of ur chest with each breathe soothes me to sleep
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 2:14 AM
♣ Thursday, January 22, 2009
Its 3am in the morning and once again i find myself blogging because i can't get back to sleep. Was awoken once again by them nightmares. Shan't elaborate its contents here, its kinda stupid really.
I wish you were here to make everything alrights again. Hate it when we argue. At times it feels like im walking through a field full of landmines, cautious and never knowing if my next sentence will cause a outburst of sorts. It really so tiring sometimes, i don't know if you feel the same way. I'm not the most difficult girl to please. Instead if you know me, you'll know that it doesn't take much to make me smile and think the world of you. I'm just a girl, sometimes we need a little concern and alittle pampering to know you that you care enough. It's in the little details.
Can't breathe and I'm shivering under the sheets. I wish the nose would just behave. HTM presentation at 4pm laters. Please let me do well, please. 
still wishing you were here if only to give one of your comforting hugs
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 2:05 AM
♣ Tuesday, January 20, 2009
has it only been a week since i last blogged?? zomg it definitely felt much longer. The past week has been mega crazy mans,MY definition. yea so you know nows why i have been such an antisocial biatch lols. =) Between skool, project due dates, the renovations of the house, the family and all other commitments, its been almost impossible to have a social life. Getting sick did nothing to help AT ALL.
but if anything, silly boi proved to be a total darling and more this week, saving my ass time after time, from accompanying me to vivo and reatardly snap photos of the retailers to loaning me your lappie and just being there. Zomg my knight in shining armour i like to think! hehs =) except i don't think knights in shining armour are suppose to get you sick too. grinns but oh wells, i guess i don't really care for being well anyways. Everybody knows i never do a good job taking care of myself ever, hurrs. Wouldn't trade you for anybody else or have it any other way :D but seriously, its been a totally awful week, from getting chased outta the home by the mom, to the dad literally crashing the computer the night before RVM individual report was due to barely avoiding the wrath of Sam tan for late submission-not and a whole load of less significant stuffs. Yea my nerves were all jumbly up and for a good reason too.
ohs i also met the other guys on Monday last week to celebrate David's bdae. Zomg can you believe how much we've all grown since... The guys will be heading to army soon, botak heads and muscles.charming. hahs. headed down to Twenty Six, this awesome alfresco bar/cafe/dining place for drinks. The place is utterly pretty if you must know. Its the place, perfect to unwind with a group of friends, especially seeing that we haven't met in ages. The most awesome part of it all - you can hear the waves crashing against the shore and that refreshing sea breeze. awwws.. Finished our bottle before we headed to our of the benches by the sea to chill more. That subsequently saw us being stranded, away from the bicycle tracks as the tide came in. It's crazy seriously. Global warming is nutss. Next thing you know, Singapore will have a white Christmas. Its been getting colder these days. Actually found myself shivering ever so slightly while waiting outside parkway the silly. Hahas guess that just means more nice smelling people on the streets. hmm we definitely can get used to that yea. sheesh!
Gabbies place on Friday was fab. It's like only the ultimate place to have a party party! Air hockey, SWEET! Steamboat, poker, majiong, xbox, pool, air hockey, baileys, mackers and amazing friends, hmm i envision myself falling into a Friday routine. =) ohs not to mention the 'really' interesting scenery from the roof. giggles.
another tough week its gonna be. Presentations and alls. Gosh where are the holidays when you need them.Zomg and i still haven't had my DIM SUM! darn.
some of the pictures taken that night. zomg still think it was damm sweet the way u guys helped picked my beads of the floor. the rest of the pictures are up on facebook yea. kisses.
pls apply tenderlovingcare
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 11:33 PM
♣ Monday, January 12, 2009
Skipped training again, possibly for the last time cause the sister got back her results today, thus the celebratory mood. 7 points, dammit im proud of her! Guess studying really pays off, hmms if only i could get disciplined. Hahs probably not going to happen anytime soon. Went to purchase lights for the room afters. Ended up with some totally boring normal ceiling light. Kinda sucks though cause I really wanted that cool little sphere lamp but mom was pretty much adamant bout getting it. School was alright, just really tiring and zomg so many deadlines due this week! Craps =X
tons of people asked about the hand today, which was really embarrassing. Imagine having to admit that you accidentally scalded your arm while handling the kettle. Totally clumsy and embarrassing, yea i know. For people with an over dosage of clumsy nerves, such acts have seemingly become a part of daily life. Oh yea and if you wanted to know, between scalding your arm, walking into a glass panel, walking into a drain, scalding has to hurt the most, initially, though walking into a glass panel like leaves you in utterly embarrassed and a nasty swell on the forehead. walking into a drain...please it doesn't even come close while walking into a lamppost however definitely takes the icing on the cake of humiliation. Yea i would know cause well, don't ask.
Ohs here's something for you guys to ponder on. Why do babies drink milk and not milo or horlicks or fruit juices? Why milk? Can milo replace milk as a staple seeing that milk's just not that safe these days? I mean milo has all the iron any blah blah that milk contains too, no? Hahas werid huhs, i think im gonna feed my kid milo next time just to see if it works. Pretty cool if it does ayes.
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 10:52 PM
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Its almost 4am. Once again its late, but i can't seem to fall asleep. Not to mention there's trading tomorrow. Gonna be a long day ahead. Parents wanna do dinner laters i think, then there's that thing on tues and training on wed and thurs and friday night. Look's like we won't be meeting anytime soon. Already i miss him. Can't help wondering though, does it even matter?
♥being MYSELF at 2:56 AM
♣ Saturday, January 10, 2009
Total coincidence! I didn't plan to but im so glad i had nothing to do, that town totally bored me, that i had to go to school today and that i decided to buy microwavable swee mai from Jason's up to dad's place for dinner because if i wasn't so pathetic, i wouldn't have met Adrian today!! hehs!! Like zomg! It's been too darn long since i last saw the guy, 3 years i think. That's very long rights. xD so you can imagine how shocked i was when he walked in with uncle loo. hahas maybe i wasn't initially, didn't recognise him at first, came out from the back, said hi to uncle loo and i honestly thought he was just some random guy browsing around. Hokays so when he came up and say hi, i like totally blanked, huh for a moment, before i realised zomg zomg zomg its him!That smile, that voice, that stupid nickname!! Urggh thinking back, i must have look crazy to him just nows.shiats! Anyways can a person change so much?? It must be illegal or something! He like lost all his baby fats and zomg so tan nows lols. Hahas shiats im blabber-typing again. eeks*
So yea we took uncle loo's car out to Dempsey for some much loved B&J's afters. Must say it feels kinda weird not meeting someone you haven't seen or heard much from for 3 years. Before England, i practically grew up with the guy! so much to catch up on. Was kinda awkward initially with all the small talk in the car and alls before.. hahas our secret. ;) whew thank god, inside he's still the same guy i knew from before. hehs.
Open house was pretty alrights. Sales at first avenue was a record high for our class. Was really fun being the cashier, all the nets transactions, stressful but oh so fun. Hehs =D Was suppose to go down town take some photos and buy a bag, shoes and clothes for CNY, meaning no black stuff. The photos were miserable cause of the crazy shopper traffic on the sidewalks and i bought so much nonsense again and none of what i had planned to get. Haiyo why like that. tsk!
Still super craving dim sum!!!! HOWS!!!
smackers i missed u
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 11:29 PM
♣ Sunday, January 4, 2009
Its 12pm and im still not done. No where near in fact. Somehow i keep finding myself having to add in paragraphs here and there all while trying to make sense and re-structure their parts of the project. It's bloody frustrating, made worse by the lack of sleep, lack of comfort food and splitting headache and running nose that couldn't choose a better time to attack my immune system! I should rant more, but really what's the point dwelling on it rights. I should just get on with the work and hopefully catch some snooze before school at 8.30am tomorrow.
Actually planned to go without dinner cause i was so sick of them fast foods and well yea no time. Had to skip on dinner with the rest but daryll proved to be a absolute sweetie, dropping by with laksa on his way back. Really was craving for sushi, but heys laksa's still awesome. Quite surprised and touched actually. =)
He made me miss my silly boi more though. I won't say why but yea..oh wells, don't really want to go there. Not today, ive got more important things to see to first. Still daryll, thanks loads though i really didn't need more apple juices, my mom's nagging saying that the fridge has no more space lols. Hint hint, B&J's next time? xD
Gotta control my emotions. I will not let myself feel anything but positive juices. I will not crack, every thing's gonna be alright.
i won't tell u cuz i don't want anything out of obligation
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 11:11 PM
♣ Saturday, January 3, 2009
Daddy is totally amazing, no wonder his is and always will be the favourite guy in my life. Causually mentioned that I have not had beehoon and tauhuay for breakfast and tada, he went out early in the morning and got them for me from macpherson, where the chicken wings are to die for. He even remembered that i like my soya drink mixed with chin chow! Zomg how not to love him to the max! xD im sucha blessed kid. Lub you dad. Now that im recharged, time to tackle that project. hehs.
♥being MYSELF at 1:57 PM
♣
Tonight, i had the privilege of having met 2 different yet similar types of guys. Was making my way to meet daryll and marcs for pongol nasi lemak near my place when these 2 irksome ah bengs started whistling and shouting over to me when i passed them at the bus stop. Eww gross! Simply hate how they stare at you, from head to toe.Like zomg why do guys even bother whistling at girls. We are girls not dogs or cats for pits sake. Totally uncultured, childish and just disgusting. I can never understand guys like them, ever.
Chose to ride with marcs up to Dempsey House to meet up with ellsie and drew. Met this guy, Luke who was with his friends at the next table. Funny how we met, hmm no wait i meant to say embarrassing instead. Walked straight into him when we first arrived and afters almost crashed into him again outside the toilets. Zomg i know and both times were all because ellsie was making me laugh so hard i couldn't see where i was walking. Damn embarrassing cans!! He came by our table laters though, pretty nice guy and quoting from daryll a very smooth operator. Hahs!
Made a detour to katong's cold storage on the way back. It's 24 hrs there, awesome rights!! I know. Luckily i rode back with daryll instead. Somehow i don't think its possible to hold on to numerous groceries bags of junk food and still be safe or feel safe on the back of a vespa.
I'm home early on a Friday night. Silly boy doesn't seem too happy though. Still have a whole lot of HTM project to edit and alls. I wish someone, anyone could help me. I kinda feel lethargic and slack-ish nows. Craving dim sums and coke! Zomg.
all i really wanted tonight was you
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 2:07 AM
♣ Thursday, January 1, 2009
Gosh its utterly upsetting! The HTM project on zouk is due like on monday and not everybody has sent me their parts yet. Like zomg how irresponsible can some people be. Urggh they were suppose to send me everything by monday and zomg its effing thursday alreadys and they are still not done with their parts? Gosh what were they doing the whole holiday. It's so frustrating cause I want to start doing the editing and I can't because of their incompetence. I have to start now if i want to be done by Sunday night. And now they want to meet in school and get everything done by tomorrow? Gosh wtf its like not possible. Might be if I actually rushed though the editing tonight, ohs no wait, i don't have anything to edit YETS! If I could finish my own part and even do up the cover page and stuff, I really don't see why the others couldn't have completed their given parts by now. Its so unfair that the whole group gets dragged down by some and its urgghhh frustrating the crap outta me just thinking of how ive gotta burn the midnight oil the next few nights because of some..some humans!! triple pfft!
Had to rant there or I've had exploded myself. =) there are some decent people in my group, hmms hokays i actually meant there's one decent person. Yupps just one. Wayne's been wonderful, can't say the same bout the rest unless I lie. =X Haiz I really want a good grade from this. I need it.
Anyways apart from all that, quick update on my life. House is undergoing renovations right nows so im kinda living from my room most of the time, seeing that everything is covered in plastic sheets outside and its uber dusty. Foresee myself feeding on junk food and delivery service since the kitchen is out of order. Eeks gotta remember to do my grocery shopping tomorrow. Caught the fireworks with silly boi yesterday and it was so prettay. =)
love tonia
♥being MYSELF at 10:36 PM
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Happy New Year!
2008 went by in a blink of an eye. The year saw new friendships being formed and some strengthened, it was a year full of disappointments but also surprises, a year full of ups and downs. It wasn't exactly the best year i've had, but honestly, it wasn't all that bad either. Amidst all the conflicts and disagreements, i manage to experience love at its greatest. 2008 saw me discovering and understanding myself much better. It saw me grow a year older and much wiser. Now a day into the new year, I hope 2009 will be as fabulous if not even better than before. And of course not breaking the traditions of a new year, i've come up with a list of resolutions for 2009.
New Year Resolutions for 2009
try to be punctual more often
be nicer to others. Unconditionally nice!
not judge nor let myself be bothered by any ding dong's comments of me.
will not compromise my morals and beliefs
appreciate those around me
I'm gonna have an awesome year regardless what.
love tonia
♥being MYSELF at 10:08 PM
still wishing you were here if only to give one of your comforting hugs
