♣ Wednesday, September 10, 2008
So today is the only rest day Ive got from training for the whole of this week. Got awoken by some very shocked parents pretty early this morning. Apparently they weren't expecting me home till Wednesday morning or so, thus you can imagine their reactions when they found me snoozing on the couch. The initial plan was to get a lift from the Dad down to Daryl's place to collect my prezzie and yea ales ended up spending the rest of the day there just chilling out, yakking away, helping plan this weekend's party and watching movies. The guy made jello!!! Berry red jello!!! Sweetness! Thank you loads bestie!!!
Dozed off halfway through the day, the tiredness must have caught up with me. LOL. Had a pretty good nap though and woke up to find ellsie and the rest outside. Grinnss missed everyone so much. It was a good day, just chilling and lounging around crapping, catching up with everyone sans the booze and whatever nots. Poker was fun too. Just like in the past lols. Super nostalgic. Too bad I had to go home for dinner, promised my mom so seeing that I haven't and wouldn't be seeing much of them this week. Next time soon, I promise guys.
So as I whined to daryl over lunch today, I guess I kinda at the same time sorted out my feeling and thoughts. Got a guy's point of view on the situation and D thinks I'm a total fake, which i so am not arse. =) He reckons that I'm a total softie at heart and just wants to be taken care of by someone and that I should just shed the whole tough girl image I try to keep up around you and everyone else because it's just plain stupid. If I can't even convince myself that I don't care about you, how do I expect to fool the world. According to the self proclaimed sudden human analysis expert, I'm a romantic at heart and it's just pointless to keep fighting it cause one can't change such stuff. LOL.
hmmm i guess D hit pretty near the bulls eye. A friend once pointed out that I'm a sucker for sweet gestures and alls, which I guess it's true. Honestly I think is because subconsciously, I've fallen in too deep. I have allowed myself to care too much that i can no longer stay indifferent. D said that all girls are insecure and I just happen to be a fcking insecure biatch right nows. It'll pass. =X oh wells if that's true at least I can count on my effing huge ego and pride to keep me from becoming one of those needy, weak and utterly clingy kind of girl that I frown upon. At least I can trust myself to suppress those insecurities. Well if there comes a day that it gets too much, I could always walk away before I evolve into such a girl rights???! yea, all for pride. hurhurrs.
How did things become so different in just a few days? How did it become so awkward between us. Last night and the phone calls are seems so alien. No its not your fault or anything. Moreover I think that it's just me really. Everything between us just seems so vague and maybe now I want more. I don't want to fool around anymore. I'm afraid I'll mess up yet again. I just wanna be sure. Shucks these all count as insecurities huhs?! Maybe I would admit, I miss doing the simply fun stuffs, just chilling and yea...these days its a whole new different story. I wish I could turn back time.
nostalgic feelings and memories
too bad time machines don't exist
xxton
♥being MYSELF at 6:39 PM
