to: mom
i miss you. i miss being able to tell you everything, sharing and laughing with you.
these days, its all fights, unhappiness, tension and misunderstanding between us both.
i know what your asking me to do, but forcing me is not gonna do any good iszit. Instead i end up tuning you out and simply drawing away from you, keeping everything to myself. And that sucks. Often i wish i could ask for your opinion on things, your advice, just a listening ear but i know its no use. You'll never see my point and you'll just insist that i do it the way you want it to be and end it. Why, why must i choose. Why make me choose mom. Can't I have both. It's a choice I've made, i just wish you could see it from my point or at least support me. It's so tough and just really tired and stressful to have to deal with both sides. I feel that somehow I've gotta make a decision and either way I'm not getting the whole cake, I'm going lose either one. That totally sucks balls. I feel so torn between, so conflicted, so confused. I'm trying, I've been trying but its not getting better. I want things to get better between us, but i also know that that means carrying out your wishes which.. i don't know... how can i just stop liking someone. I don't wanna choose, i don't ever want to have to. why iszit so difficult. Mom, I'm silently pleading with you, let me be, don't push me away anymore, trust me to do the right thing. please don't make me have to choose anymore please. My whole life, I've constantly worked for your approval and acknowledgement. Just this once let me be, let me do my thing and support me. I hate nothing more than your disapproval and i can never continue knowing knowing that you don't support me but my heart's into it mom. please.
caught in the middle
xxton
